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All I want is for someone to pretend to love me for who I am, then gradually change me over a period of several years until we both hate me.
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06-30-2012 14:52
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I think Tom Cruise and John Travolta would make a lovely couple.
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06-30-2012 19:19
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Thanks for the Facebook invite to your wedding cheapass. Please enjoy this FarmVille mystery gift on the occasion of your marriage.
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07-01-2012 22:13
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I hate when her husband comes home early. She says I'm the pool boy. And I spend the next few hours cleaning the pool. This is BULLSH!T!
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07-04-2012 15:11
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Sometimes girls look at me and say, “Mmm not bad.” They don't say it out loud but I can tell they're thinking that.
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07-07-2012 15:25
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Couldn't it have been a little cooler for National No Bra Day??
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07-09-2012 15:14 by
Reznor
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My ball sagometer is at 6” today…
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07-09-2012 15:42
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Their is nothing worse that realizing the vacation you planned is going to be the same week as her period.
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07-10-2012 21:56 by
BEGO
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☑Hockey mask ☑Machete ☑Sexually-irresponsible campers Let's roll...
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07-13-2012 11:09 by
Phoenix1029
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gonna make a Twitter account called "that creepy guy in the white van" and follow everyone.
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11-17-2011 02:36 by
thatman
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Gentlemen, for the next 2-3 weeks the best pick up line at any bar is, "What's Call of Duty?" You can thank me at the bachelor party.
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11-17-2011 22:29 by
g0re
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I don't know what I'd do without you guys but I bet it would be something productive.
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11-30-2011 16:08
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At the end of job interviews I always ask, "On a scale of 8-10, how amazing was I?"
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12-15-2011 03:57
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From the way you did your make up, I can tell how much you miss kindergarten coloring books.
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12-19-2011 03:12
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Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!
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12-23-2011 13:56
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the only bad thing about having a great status comment....you dont get the credit...lol but you get the likes.
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01-10-2012 16:18 by
jitney
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People who go to the liquor store and buy a pint of whiskey are poor planners… what are you going to drink tomorrow?
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01-17-2012 14:12 by
Kisstopher
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A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then that is why
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01-22-2012 12:54 by
SuthernFukr
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Sometimes the Birthday reminders on facebook remind me of the friends.i need to delete
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01-24-2012 03:52 by
Tsparks
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Thirty five people died from eating cantaloupe in Jan. And that,, right there, should be this years new slogan for Krispy Kreme.
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03-05-2012 20:50 by
snotty
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