Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 568 of 5577

   messageicon Oldest woman, 114, dies. Her last words: "Who the f#*k is Justin Beiber?"
←Rate | 06-13-2010 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass old ladies and supermodels than argue with motorcycle gangs.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 08:44 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon CRAP.... look who's online..LOG OUT LOG OUT LOG OUT....."Hey whats up?..s***!!
←Rate | 09-08-2010 01:23 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Dora the explorer is on drugs! She never seems to know where to go next and spends all day talking to a map, a backpack and a monkey.
←Rate | 09-30-2010 15:12 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them
←Rate | 10-12-2010 22:34 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Chileans take hide and seek way too seriously
←Rate | 10-14-2010 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ahhhhh.coffee...I think coffee must contain an ingredient that makes you tolerate BS. That's probably why employers usually give it away for free all day :)
←Rate | 11-04-2010 10:46 by Tyler G Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm no genius, but I am smart enough to know that there is no ''x'' in the words ''especially'', ''espresso'', or ''ask''.
←Rate | 11-18-2010 11:11 by Lesley Comments (0)  


   messageicon his dreams shattered.. Megan Fox got married, there goes my 0.000000000001% chance
←Rate | 06-29-2010 14:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
←Rate | 07-16-2010 18:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do girls run from the ones that make them happy, and fight for the ones that make them cry?
←Rate | 07-18-2010 23:12 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies that tattoo of the sun rising out of your butt-crack looks great now however when you're 60 it's an octopus chasing a starfish.
←Rate | 07-23-2010 21:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking about making my own brand of beer and call it, "Responsibly." That way I would get free advertising from all my competitors. "Please drink Responsibly."
←Rate | 08-03-2010 11:32 by bigedusw Comments (0)  


   messageicon im single now.... and its weird to be dating again, because for the last three years... i've just been cheating.
←Rate | 08-19-2010 23:59 by Nathan S Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm shocked at the amount of condoms old ladies buy the moment they leave their shopping carts unattended.
←Rate | 08-23-2010 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With all these birds falling out the sky, I won't be eating Chinese anytime soon....
←Rate | 01-04-2011 14:27 by Bill Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and I. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a b!tch.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 23:26 by Dopey420 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world would be a better place if people would just take my citizen arrests a little more seriously
←Rate | 01-22-2011 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
←Rate | 01-27-2011 07:09 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
←Rate | 11-03-2015 08:38 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left