Funny Status Messages

   OK... I think it's time for 2016 to die before any more good people do....

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   Why in the hell is 2016 letting Kanye West live?

   OK 2016 there are still a few days left ... so I nominate Hillary and the Kardashians just to ballance things out ...

   They say 50% of #status updates are written while sitting on the #toilet That's why I don't buy used mobile #phones .

   Men in white windowless van's have the worst candy.

   my beer never tells me it has a girlfriend.

   Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for

   I'm going to an all white New Year's Eve party and I have nothing to wear

   Carrie Fisher will forever stake claim on the title of Best Buns.

   This milk tastes like gorgonzola cheese. The sell by date is 12/29. Never mind. 12/29/15.

   Never criticise your husband's faults. It may have been those little imperfections which stopped him from getting a better wife.

   One of my biggest fears is I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays

   I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.

   I'll call and report my car as stolen before I admit that I forgot where I parked it.

   With all the deaths in 2016, there is one worth celebrating. Obama's failed legacy.

   ETC.....End of Thinking Capacity.

   My favorite yoga pose? Downward facing nap.

   On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a weekend for me.

   2016 goes from bad to worse: Nickelback is still a band