Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the BIOTCH up with cookies.

   With the price of printer ink so high, it would probably be more cost-effective to keep a giant aquarium full of squid and harvest my own.

   drinking. I have my cellphone on me and it has facebook on it. I appoligize in advance and will delete my wall posts as soon as I wake up.

   Barbara Billingsley thank you for introducing us to and letting us see the beaver.

   You know the economy is bad when...Congress decides to keep their hands in their OWN pockets.

   rip Barbara Billingsley, Beaver Cleaver's TV mom, dies

   I thought I saw a two headed turtle once, but it turned out he was just having a sh!.

   considering going back to school to become a veterinarian and a taxidermist...either way...you get your cat back....

   So I was wondering. If I paid to go watch a football game and suddenly in the middle of the game all the christian players get raptured up into heaven, do I get a refund???

   having a drink for the Chilean miners tonight... all 33 of them.

   ‎"This is what we do in Florida. We wear hoodies and sweat pants when the temperature drops 4 degrees. Get with it or go back to shoveling snow in Canada, jerk."

   some people were dropped as babies. clearly, you were thrown against a wall.

   . Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men ... woman

   What is it with black guys randomly rehearsing an R&B/ rap lyric when walking down the street?

   what it's all about... TAKE THAT HOKIE POKIE!

   Can't wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer, and go stare at a different computer.

   Good Effort! A Polite way to say "YOU SUCK!"

   I would never tell someone how to do their job but I don't think each of the 78 items I purchased at the grocery store needed their own bag.

   The world would be a quiet place if we did that whole "think before you speak" thing.

   Never think of the past it brings tears, If you think of the future it brings fears, so live life in the present & drink chilled BEERS Bon Okterber Fest