Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   put your big girl panties on... and DEAL WITH IT!

   Wants an app called PHARMville, so she can send notes to her friends like "really needing valuim or heavy narcotics soon"

   Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.

   Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night.

   In California, we don't throw our garbage away. We turn it into reality TV shows.

   wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell

   You need space? WOW. I never knew you were an astronaut.

   Gangsta rap made me do it

   My tan has got a bit outta hand, the white man always called me indian squaw SNOOKI that's all I ever heard SNOOKI how I learned to hate the word SNOOKI she's no good they warned, the other children always laughed at me give her a grenade she's a SNOOKI

   thinking up new and creative ways to kill zombies.

   I would love to start working out, but I'm beefing up for my "before" picture.

   Stevie Wonder's Twitter update was hilarious. it said," ahdshewsd€yts".

   I will never be led to believe there is someone who won't betray you under any circumstance. Learning otherwise is a lesson learned with great pains.

   The best things in life are free...for now, wait until the government finds a way to tax you on that!

   Goldilocks was an illegal alien

   kids learn from fairy tales. like goldilocks and 3 bears teaches us that you can sneak into people's place, eat their food, break their furnituer and sleep in their beds as long as you can run fast and you are blond!

   saying, i'm not moody, just don't want to talk to you every wed and fri..

   silence is golden, but duct tape is silver

   so drunk , I thought my toothpaste was astronaut food....

   I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits.