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I went on Dragons Den the other night and showed them my Dads old Shotgun. Peter Jones said " And whats your idea?" I replied "It's a simple Concept Peter just put all the Money in the f**king bag!" 
Hello Network Solutions, we have a problem.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they'll smell.
you know you're getting older when your back goes out more than you do
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
hates driving by people who are texting and driving. It's times like that, that I wish my Subaru came with rocket launchers
For Sale: 24 pedigree pigeons, call 0161 123 1234 and ask for Tyrone......
Just seen a scarecrow trying to have a wank..... Poor fucker was clutching at straws !!
Why do paper towel dispensers in public restrooms give you just enough to keep your hands slightly damp?
Me and a friend have been texting "LOL" back and forth for the last 10 min. Neither 1 of us have anything else to say but don't want to be the rude one not to text back!
The McRib is made of the same fat they injected in Joan Rivers lips.
In general, girls don't like to be described as “beefy”. Even if you love beef.
if being apathetic is wrong, then I don't care...
"Lol" is not a message worth replying to.
With the rise in social networking which we all enjoy, there is a crucial need for someone to invent and standardise a sarcasm font.
chick, I wouldn't even poke you with Facebook
Keeping secrets can kill you. And let's just keep that between us.
Be patient. The longer you wait for me, the sooner I will arrive.
wtf? why is Obama meeting with Indians? Thanksgiving is still 3 weeks away!
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake ... will someone please delete my internet browser history."
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