Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   's dog may be getting too old. he/she fell over when I tried to ride him/her.

   I'm a good boyfriend..I always talk to her, play with her, touch her buttons...I definitely turn her on... I love you Xbox.

   In an elevator I like to pull out a picture of myself and ask people "have you seen this person?"

   if a hermaphrodite goes missing, do you put their picture on a carton of Half and Half?

   Do you have to fly to go get one of those TSA airport pat-downs? Just asking

   When I was a little girl, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

   If a person from Iceland and a person from Cuba have a baby together, would it be considered an ice cube?

   I wish I could google the things I've misplaced.

   Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!"

   Curiosity killed the cat... but satisfaction brought him back.

   Maybe the TSA is just offering prostate screenings as part of Obama's healthcare reform???

   According to scientists drinking one can of four loko is like drinking 4 beers, 2 red bulls, a small taco, a ghost and a park bench.

   Warning, Taking this medicine with alcohol may cause you to loose consciousness....Probably should have read that two hours ago

   I wonder if its possible to actually get a girl's number when you say "what yo name is girl, what yo name is" Either I'm gonna get slapped or we could go cash our welfare checks together.

   After several years I finaly saw the whole picture ... Damn you A.J. and Nick, you ruined the growing potential of the Backstreet Boys !! :p

   - Awesome high speed chase on FoxNews ending with the guy ramming the back of a tanker truck carrying Orange Juice. Anyone else find it ironic that O.J. actually STOPPED a high speed chase????

   a little upset about this potential ban on four loko. Aren't they aware that breakfast is the most important meal of the day?

   Don't hate me because I'm beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

   Until you called me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly.

   A reporter asked Philadelphia Eagles QB Micheal Vick what the biggest difference is between prison and the NFL. He replied, "In the NFL, I only have 11 guys I have to run away from that's trying to get my ass."