Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello.

   received a warning that aliens are abducting all of the sexy people in the world! Don't panic, you are safe! I am just writing to say goodbye!

   It's funny...they leave the vault doors wide open in banks but somehow have those .50 cent pens chained to the tables.

   Why is it that car commercials know which old songs were good but oldies radio stations don't?

   If Jim Rockford was such a good detective, how come he could never figure out that he wasn't going to get paid?

   Thanksgiving leftovers idea #57: Turkey margarita.

   I'm so hungry I could eat a Sarah Jessica Parker

   the first rule of Sam's Club is that you will not admit that you were stupid enough to go there on Black Friday

   Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger. It. Makes. It. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma.

   Bruce Lee, Jimi Hendrix and Bill Nye all have the same birthday. And that day is today. November 27th should be renamed Awesome Day

   Dear radio stations. I appreciate that you waited until after Thanksgiving to start in with the Christmas music... but could you tone it down a little bit? You're gonna kill it for me if it goes on like this for a month. Thank you

   Alright, Captain Morgan, I'll make you a deal....I'll stop drinking when you put your foot down.

   I love Beer. I would marry Beer if I could. ''Do you, Beer, take me to be your awfully wetted wife....until a DUI do us part? I LOVE YOU, BEER!"

   Pouring milk on Doritos and pretending it's cereal isn't as good of an idea as I thought it would be.

   Failed my Politics exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world." Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer.

   There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy. The 1st is to take her shopping.. The rest is 69..

   Im tired.Ive just finished painting all the rocks in my garden white...Just in case my neighbour wants a snow ball fight later this week.

   WARNING if you get a message from me with a link asking you to look at my tinned meat DON'T OPEN IT.. its SPAM

   My life has a superb cast... I just can't figure out the plot.

   I think I'm getting the hang of these Facebook games. My mafia farm is doing quite nice.