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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Officially became an organ donor today. Unfortunately, instead of saving anyone, I think they'll probably just be used for those "after" pictures
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12-17-2010 22:42
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An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
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12-17-2010 22:37 by
Me
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The Lord created the fart and then put a smell in it so the deaf could enjoy it!!!
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12-17-2010 22:04 | Tags: Filtered
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my therapist said maybe my intimidating beauty was the reason I never get asked out...so gaining weight & going bald will work??
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12-17-2010 21:50
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Spending Christmas in a little town called Red Bud. I'm sure it will be a fine holiday experience.
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12-17-2010 21:01
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if I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I will definately be on the naughty list...
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12-17-2010 20:37 by
MikeM
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Girls just wanna have fun? Yeah right, just try and not get her a Christmas present and see where that gets ya.
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12-17-2010 20:35
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Oh the weather outside is frightful, but my scotch is so delightful
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12-17-2010 20:29
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Always remember that no matter how bad you are, you are not totally useless, you can still be used as a bad example.
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12-17-2010 20:26 by
VisHaL
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wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome
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12-17-2010 20:25 by
Michael Askins
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Likes being vague.. because its almost as fun as doing this other thing..
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12-17-2010 20:23 by
Michael Askins
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Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
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12-17-2010 19:42 by
Esoteric
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Vodka+Ice damages your kidney. Rum+Ice damages your liver. Whiskey+Ice damages your heart. Gin+Ice damages your brain. Damn Ice, how much more damage can you cause?
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12-17-2010 18:51 by
Esoteric
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slipped on the ice today. After landing I looked, but couoldn't find my keys, wallet, or watch. It must have been black ice.
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12-17-2010 18:22 by
Ken Huston
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My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
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12-17-2010 18:20 by
Marshall the Great
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner??
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12-17-2010 18:19 by
Marshall the Great
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There's gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to "Baby Got Back."
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12-17-2010 18:18 by
Marshall the Great
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This is a Facebook wall, not a knitting class. You don't come onto my wall, drop a challenge and leave.
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12-17-2010 18:18
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I've just renamed my wifi network to "Police Surveillance Van #02". That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
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12-17-2010 17:10
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Thanks to procrastination, my schedule is always full.
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12-17-2010 16:22 by
Scarlet
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