Funny Status Messages

   We were without phone, TV and internet access for a few hours today. It was terrifying because I almost got some work done.

   The French are only good for fries, toast, and kisses...

   I'm sorry, but please explain to me how the hell someone does REHAB from their OWN home?

   "I looooove him, I caaaaan't live without him, he is my life" No you don't, your 22, and you met him 6 days ago. Take your dramatic a$$ somewhere else.

   I walked into a party last night and someone yelled, "dibbs!"

   A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's...That's because she changes it more often.

   I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you? I replied. “I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?”

   I've been reading some of the Black History Month material, and I can't find Buckwheat being shot anywhere…that's just wrong…

   In hindsight, maybe two hours of being snowed in was too soon to eat my family.

   don't piss on my boot and tell me it's raining

   Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......

   I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…

   Like a good neighbor, State farm is there.. With two neeighborhood kids to shovel my driveway................ Aww man! that Sh*t don't work!

   ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....

   going to start "The Gas is to Damm High Party" who's with me!

   My give a damn maybe busted, but my can of whoop ass is ready to pop.

   Valentines advance: If she goes to the party, watches the entire Super Bowl and has a good time with you then she is valentine material.

   I saw a sign earlier that said 'Watch Batteries Fitted Here'. I couldn't see the entertainment in it myself.

   Officer says "Gee, Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?

   Americans treat the Constitution the same way they treat the Bible: Despite never having read or understood it, they are quite certain they know both.