Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The reason you can't fool all of the people all of the time is because half of them are women.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:59 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your favorite song comes on and you excitedly say "Yo this is my jam!" You should know, I die a little bit inside for knowing you.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My front door mat actually says "Come back with a warrant."
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Grandpa's ghost hovers all around the house. It's scary!" "He's not dead! And that's his Hoveround power chair!" "Well, he smells dead."
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The squirrels are mocking me by doing that spiral-run-up-a-tree thing. They know I wish I could do that and how stupid I look when I try.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suffering from male pattern drunkenness.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't call you crazy. All I said was, "you look like you might own 400 cats"
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know it's a bad traffic jam when people start are sitting on top of their cars..
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:41 by JOser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am under: paid, pressure, followed, rated, the gun, the radar, the influence, the weather and the wrong impression. WTF
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon So what's the dating website for drunk, blonde, recent college graduates who do not want to find a job called?
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Revolutionary War went on for like 8 years, yet we settle for a 3 day weekend? The founders would be so disappointed.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hearses are so depressing. I'd like my casket transported via segway.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon America: We blow sh*t up better than the rest of yous funny-talkin' countries.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nobody gets treated worse than a fast food worker who gets an order wrong.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon No I wasn't born in a barn, but you know who was? Jesus.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have mosquito bites on my feet and I'm thinking the knee is probably the easiest point of amputation.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ugly is such an ugly word. If you must describe me I'd prefer if you used the term "handsomely-challenged
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:35 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon “You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.”
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:16 by ashley s Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's hotter than two mice f*cking in a wool sock!
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if I could just pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. I'd be able to skip the therapy sessions, and the doc could just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 12:27 by Felesar Comments (0)  



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