Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Studies show that four out of five poker players take drugs to keep awake and sharp at the table. The one that doesn't stay sharp is the one who shouts out "Go Fish!"
←Rate | 06-12-2010 09:06 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon exceptionally frustrated! How can I creep your Facebook page when I have to wade thru your farm, mafia, daily luck, horoscope, quiz results, lover/friend of the day, cafe world, and everything of which you've now become a fan? Make it easy on me people!!!
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wishing your pets could talk is fun until you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I read Facebook status updates and I can't understand them. Then I say to hell with it and read some that aren't mine.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't allow men to smoke in my room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon just admitted himself into the hokey pokey institute...I figure it a way to turn my life around.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When they eventually find the center of the Universe, a lot of people will be surprised to find out it's NOT them...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This isn't what it looks like" almost ALWAYS means "This is exactly what it looks like." Just sayin'...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just wrote a note to my utilities company: Dear Utilities, Life is full of surprises. This month we won't be paying our bill. SURPRISE!
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Iif time travel were possible, my future self would have shown up to slap some sense into me by now.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me immature ONE more time, and you'll no longer be invited to help me build a kick-butt couch cushion fort.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It feels SO GOOD to get things accomplished... or at least I imagine it does. Do something and tell me what it's like.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not that impressed that hula dancers can tell a story with their hands. I can tell a story with one finger.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's wrong that so many people get their daily news from Jon Stewart. I get mine from Rod Stewart. Breaking news: I think I'm sexy.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:23 by Juliete De Araujo-Cook Comments (0)  


   messageicon America is always on about having a black president… but ours use to be Brown but we didn't boast.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:08 Comments (0)  



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