Funny Status Messages

   She said all she wanted for valentines day was a little kiss, man is she going to be shocked when she sees the midget drinking Dr. Deeper in our living room!!!

   I remember when a MIX tape off the radio (while the DJ wasn't talking) was the best Valentine EVER!!

   take today to remember those that died in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre in 1929.

   afraid to cook and eat eggs now. What if Lady Gaga is in one of them? She might get upset and beat me up.

   I have a heart on...you know, so nobody tries to pinch me today...

   If you went to High School with your girlfriend's grandfather, you might be a Hugh Heffner.

   None of the other vitamins compare to the first, fluffy, white one on the top.

   (Q) Reproduceing bees are called queens. What are the none reproduceing bees called? (a) Lesbees

   Once a good one is taken, one thinks they can do better and usually end up with les.

   I was in my doctors office the other day. he said "One last thing, you really have to stop eating so many eggs." I said "Is my cholestoral too high?" Then the doctor said " No, but you farted in the waiting room and darn near killed everyubody.'

   It is never greener on the other side, especially IF you take good care of your own lawn and take time to appreciate it!!!

   Valentines day was set up as a yearly reminder for wimps who couldnt appreciate the best they have every day!

   A Valentine's Day tanning bed trip.  Because nothing says "I love you" quite like "I wish you were different."  Way to go Don Juan.

   Okay, which one of you single ladies wants to have casual valentine's sex with me tonight?

   It's better to have loved and lost than to have spent the rest of your life with that psycho. Happy Single Person's Awareness Day!

   Happy Valentine's Day...... this statement costs me 5.99 per "like" .... thanks Hallmark....

   Save up to 100% in gifts when you break up a day before VDay & make up 2days after!!

   grade school tupac valentine card: instead of takin the test cupid pumped two in my chest...be mine

   yikes, that Rolling Stone has gathered some moss.

   Then God made Saturn, and He liked it so much he put a ring on it.