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stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.
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02-15-2011 18:45
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how can I be so thirsty when I drank so much last night...????
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02-15-2011 18:45
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Weather Update. Cold with a chance of Nipples
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02-15-2011 18:44
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come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines...
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02-15-2011 18:43
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If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.
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02-15-2011 18:42
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The other day someone was telling me that they make ice cubes out of left over wine. I was confused. What's left over wine?
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02-15-2011 18:42
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Oh Dark Goddess Caffeina who is known by many names, bless me this day and give me the energy to get all things done that are needed.
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02-15-2011 18:41
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Most awkward place on earth: An elevator. 5 strangers. Silence. A bad smell.
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02-15-2011 17:55
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If lifes a B*tch, Then Why Hasnt It made Me a Sandwhich?
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02-15-2011 17:55
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Quick to the point, to the point no faking I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon
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02-15-2011 17:46
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Bieber got a brit award. This makes me want to stick my genitals in a deep fat fryer...
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02-15-2011 17:23 by
Unknown
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farting in a bottle and capping it so I can smell it again next week....
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02-15-2011 17:00
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I need a damn girlfriend...well not a "damn" girlfriend, just a girlfriend...well not just a girl that's a friend but...a girl...well, not a girl, but a woman...OMG I am turning into Mr. Kimball! Damn you, Green Acres!
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02-15-2011 16:52 by
JimmyCos
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I bet Chick-fil-A is disappointing to a cannibal...misleading at best...
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02-15-2011 16:17 by
M.A.C.
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Would like to remind all my friends who also spent Valentine's day alone, St. Patricks day is only a month away... Start drinking!
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02-15-2011 16:16 by
Molly
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I know you think your kid is all smart and stuff, probably is, in relation to you.
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02-15-2011 16:07
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Fancy a 11/11/11 baby ?? ...... if so, best do your stuff this Friday !!!
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02-15-2011 15:29
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I really think Miracle Whip lowered the bar for what constitutes a miracle.
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02-15-2011 15:23
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5.It's tough to lose weight when you're older. By then, your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
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02-15-2011 15:19
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If you're able to update your status saying you're drunk, you're clearly not drunk enough. I shouldn't be able to understand you.
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02-15-2011 15:16 by
Marshall the Great
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