Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:25 by derek Comments (0)  


   messageicon New Word: Procrastibation - Needing to do something important like laundry, but decide that getting off is more important!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon how come vehicle start to break down as soon as you pay them off... Do manufactures click a botton or something???
←Rate | 07-22-2010 11:43 by @ArmsteadyNguvu Comments (0)  


   messageicon St. Anthony just asked me if I have seen his keys...
←Rate | 07-22-2010 10:31 by geez Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in line at "the dollar tree" and a woman grabs a pregnancy test from the "impulse buy" section at the register. Who see's this in line, and thinks..."hey, I could use this for a buck" Your thoughts? Concerns?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 10:09 by Robs0776 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snap! Crackle! F*ck!? Did I just put something metal in the microwave?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:51 by Leeferd Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants the Micro Machines Man to do my eulogy.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:28 by Leeferd Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those that are often disgusted by others are usually most disgusted with themselves. But will rarely admit it.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:26 by Gr~Apes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wishing I knew all my Facebook friends....Some seem pretty cool...Sure hope I meet them someday....
←Rate | 07-22-2010 08:56 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something interesting out of myself
←Rate | 07-22-2010 08:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon its official, I'm old. I sat down to use the bathroom this morning and teabaged the toilet water!!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 08:47 by Tracy Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has come to the conclusion that fruit-loops are just gay cheerios. =)
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wished mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:14 by Leeferd Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates when I wake up late for work and get ready in a hurry, then you realize its your day off. : (
←Rate | 07-22-2010 06:51 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Acting as if today is Saturday. Going to work unshaved, no shower, in shorts and a T, full cooler of beer as my brief case, and the attitude of "don't bother me, it's Saturday".
←Rate | 07-22-2010 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meanwhile, at the BP command center ... *cricket* *Cricket*
←Rate | 07-22-2010 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She said no booty calls. Well this calls for some head!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 01:34 by TeeWuu Comments (0)  



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