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Wonders why are there so many whales on shark week this year. Opppss, never mind. I was watching "The View" 
Bristol Palin has called off her wedding. A Palin calling it quits? Say it isn't so.
Brett Favre has just announced he is going to play for the Miami Heat this seaon!
Wondering If I can get a clock that tells woman time. You know, "be back in a minute"=1-2hours. " be right there"=anywhere between 25 to 45 minutes. and of course the imfamous, "Lets just stop by and say hi."= 6hours plus. And last but not least, "just
You may think I'm dumb but you over estimate me.
Drugs give me the confidence to do things I never thought possible. Like, lead police on a 12 hour high speed chase.
on a spinny chair... now you see me... now you don't... now you see me... now you don't...and I get a paycheck for doing this lol
The thing about unreliable people is that they are very consistent at what they do.
men's prison is a lot like facebook...if someone really likes you, they'll poke you a lot
NOT being considered to be a judge on American Idol!
I was arrested for impersonating a police officer last night.It turned out alright in the end though; I let myself go without pressing any charges.
why is the butter always in the back of the fridge??
If you go to jail and get punked for your shower shoes, pissing on your feet is an equally effective way to disinfect.
a lady cop pulls over a drunk, and says sir, anything you say may be held against you. the drunk man yells "titties"
the one that started today's Brett Favre is set to retire rumor and is watching the aftermath unfold. Haha..gotcha!!
A penny saved is a penny earned. But its easier just to take from the "Take a penny, leave a penny" jar at the store. Afterall, that's why its there.
always carrying brass knuckles, cause you never know.
Time to put on my best sexual harrassment suit. It's much like my birthday suit, just... Okay, it's exactly like my birthday suit.
has been on detox for 4 days and now knows how missisippi got it's name.
I had a thought, then it smiled and waved goodbye.