Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 5098 of 5215

   messageicon locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:25 by derek Comments (0)  

   messageicon New Word: Procrastibation - Needing to do something important like laundry, but decide that getting off is more important!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon how come vehicle start to break down as soon as you pay them off... Do manufactures click a botton or something???
←Rate | 07-22-2010 11:43 by @ArmsteadyNguvu Comments (0)  

   messageicon St. Anthony just asked me if I have seen his keys...
←Rate | 07-22-2010 10:31 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm in line at "the dollar tree" and a woman grabs a pregnancy test from the "impulse buy" section at the register. Who see's this in line, and thinks..."hey, I could use this for a buck" Your thoughts? Concerns?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 10:09 by Robs0776 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Snap! Crackle! F*ck!? Did I just put something metal in the microwave?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:51 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants the Micro Machines Man to do my eulogy.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:28 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon Those that are often disgusted by others are usually most disgusted with themselves. But will rarely admit it.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:26 by Gr~Apes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wishing I knew all my Facebook friends....Some seem pretty cool...Sure hope I meet them someday....
←Rate | 07-22-2010 08:56 by greg2missy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something interesting out of myself
←Rate | 07-22-2010 08:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon its official, I'm old. I sat down to use the bathroom this morning and teabaged the toilet water!!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 08:47 by Tracy Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has come to the conclusion that fruit-loops are just gay cheerios. =)
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wished mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 07:14 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon hates when I wake up late for work and get ready in a hurry, then you realize its your day off. : (
←Rate | 07-22-2010 06:51 by L Comments (0)  

   messageicon Acting as if today is Saturday. Going to work unshaved, no shower, in shorts and a T, full cooler of beer as my brief case, and the attitude of "don't bother me, it's Saturday".
←Rate | 07-22-2010 06:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Meanwhile, at the BP command center ... *cricket* *Cricket*
←Rate | 07-22-2010 03:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She said no booty calls. Well this calls for some head!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 01:34 by TeeWuu Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left