Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 5097 of 5215

   messageicon I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon the only thing about having bags under your eyes is that I can never find any shoes to match :(
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon this is just a test. Had this been a real status update, it would of consisted of babbling of an idiot rambling on about monkeys and their banana eating ways. We thank you for participating in this test.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it's a real shot to the ego when you join a internet dating site and can't get a date
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon WANTED: Schrödinger's Cat - Dead and Alive
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a doctor ever prescribed you anti depressants its a great chance you don't need a FaceBook
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon very keen on multitasking, and therefore doesn't appreciate being told which electronic products she can or cannot use while in the shower.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:14 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't stand when people quote music lyrics in their status. we know how the song goes, we already heard it 500 million times on the radio. but "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars," "ops I did it again," "somebody call 9
←Rate | 07-22-2010 13:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..poked in the heart and you're to give Facebook a bad name..
←Rate | 07-22-2010 13:41 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  

   messageicon dear science, thanks for all your contributions lately, but is there a chance we can get some windshield wiper fluid infused birds anytime soon? Thanks:)
←Rate | 07-22-2010 13:10 by levon Comments (0)  

   messageicon locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:25 by derek Comments (0)  

   messageicon New Word: Procrastibation - Needing to do something important like laundry, but decide that getting off is more important!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon how come vehicle start to break down as soon as you pay them off... Do manufactures click a botton or something???
←Rate | 07-22-2010 11:43 by @ArmsteadyNguvu Comments (0)  

   messageicon St. Anthony just asked me if I have seen his keys...
←Rate | 07-22-2010 10:31 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm in line at "the dollar tree" and a woman grabs a pregnancy test from the "impulse buy" section at the register. Who see's this in line, and thinks..."hey, I could use this for a buck" Your thoughts? Concerns?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 10:09 by Robs0776 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Snap! Crackle! F*ck!? Did I just put something metal in the microwave?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:51 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants the Micro Machines Man to do my eulogy.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:28 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon Those that are often disgusted by others are usually most disgusted with themselves. But will rarely admit it.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 09:26 by Gr~Apes Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left