Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon A short list of things I seem unable to care about: vampires, shows about vampires, actors who play vampires, love lives of vampire actors.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So if I get a job at Walmart, do I pull my own teeth out, or does it happen during orientation?
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can't stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I clean up I feel as if I am depriving archaeologists of clues to my daily life.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” I told my staff while standing naked smoking a bong waiting for money from the government.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wearing pajamas and a robe. I feel like Hugh Hefner, minus everything.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Each day is like a gift. A gift from someone who doesn't know your size and doesn't bother to include the receipt.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bathroom wall: Can I get a witness? Written below: I don't know. Are you going to do anything worth watching?
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not sure why I should care that Favre is saying he is finally going to retire. Really? Isn't like the 15 millionth time he's said as much? Hey Brett! Ever heard of the story about the boy who cried wolf?
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:40 by Momofthewildthings Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone else mutter "righty tighty and lefty loosey" when tightening or unscrewing anything?
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:37 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ask Google all the questions I'm too embarrassed to ask other people.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Having one child makes you a parent. Having two makes you a referee.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:30 Comments (1)  

   messageicon What an awesome Springer quote: "You're the crazy one! You chase me with a hammer and yell all the time, the whole trailer park knows."
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone.
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:28 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Brett Favre retired today from the Minnesota Vikings of the National Football League... In other news, the Sun rose in the east this morning...
←Rate | 08-03-2010 13:27 by cassie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm thinking about making my own brand of beer and call it, "Responsibly." That way I would get free advertising from all my competitors. "Please drink Responsibly."
←Rate | 08-03-2010 11:32 by bigedusw Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks it's wrong when you go to a strip club and the sign says "Tonight only, all you can eat crab"
←Rate | 08-03-2010 11:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Brett Favre retired today, I'm not Worried about it too much. It's kinda like when Snoop Dog quit's weed. It really means nothing."
←Rate | 08-03-2010 11:20 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  

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