Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon 2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex.Guy says "You must be an gyno' because you can work that p*ssy." The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 16:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Liquor makes my clothes fall off."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why baby outfits have pockets? You can just imagine your 8 month old saying "yep fag's, phone, i-pod, keys ... ready to go."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 15:09 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo.
←Rate | 08-07-2010 14:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know the women that say: "Why are hot guys always jerks, the nice guys always taken, and the hot and nice guys always gay?" You're fat. Stop making f*cking excuses.
←Rate | 08-07-2010 14:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some guy knocked at my door this morning and asked me if I've ever considered an alternative energy supplier. I said, "No, I'm quite happy with food."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 14:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you ever have days that when someone says Hi, all you want to say back is, "I wish I was."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 14:13 by ANGELA Comments (0)  

   messageicon Build a man a fire he's warm for a day, set him on fire and he's warm the rest of his life.
←Rate | 08-07-2010 13:30 by Joe Comments (0)  

   messageicon you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:45 by 82 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Password retrieval question: "What is the square root of a pineapple?" Hack that biatch!
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On our 1st date she wanted to take me to a strip club, but I wasn't ready to meet her mother.
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've created my own cookbook by binding all the food delivery flyers together.
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So how committed are you two, like on a scale of "one" to "sh*tting with the door open?"
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My fortune cookie read: "HELP! I am being held captive at the fortune cookie factory."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oscar Mayer needs to change the labeling on their bacon packages to read "Excellent source of hangover cure."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanking God the whole Justin Bieber writing an autobiography thing was just a rumor.. That would have been the shortest autobiography ever... All 16 pages of it... 18 if you count the index and contents..
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's nothing I hate worse than coming home drunk, needing to piss really bad and.... finding the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes.
←Rate | 08-07-2010 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying to remember the thing I was suppose to remind myself about, but I can't remember where I put my sticky notes.. DAMNIT !!!
←Rate | 08-07-2010 11:56 by MEMEMEME Comments (0)  

   messageicon Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.
←Rate | 08-07-2010 11:39 by jack Comments (0)  

   messageicon : Twists and Turns and yet NO Lessons Learned!!!! :(
←Rate | 08-07-2010 10:45 Comments (0)  

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