Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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Page: 5 of 5274

   messageicon My girlfriend cured me of my constipation by telling me she thought she was pregnant.
←Rate | 10-05-2018 18:25 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe people would be more concerned about saving the planet if chocolate and coffee were on the endangered list.
←Rate | 10-05-2018 16:35 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon FB employees are mad because a FB exec supports Bret Kavanaugh. What a bunch of self righteous, entitled f'n gen x'er pusssies!
←Rate | 10-05-2018 10:14 Comments (8)  

   messageicon I made my wife a Caesar salad last night! The dog was really pissed off though as it was his last tin!
←Rate | 10-05-2018 08:07 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon using Just For Men on your mother in laws mustache at night wrong ? Asking for a friend ..
←Rate | 10-04-2018 22:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever they show the crowd at Yankees stadium...every Yankees fan looks like an out of shape Paulie Malignaggi.
←Rate | 10-04-2018 21:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got my E-Harmony results. They match me with a computer, a chair, and a bottle of lotion.
←Rate | 10-04-2018 14:33 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before I was born, I was given a choice between a big di*k, or a good memory. I don't remember what one I chose.
←Rate | 10-04-2018 14:29 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon My company has trouble thinking outside the box. We can't agree on the size of the box, the color of the box, whether it is wood or cardboard, a suitable box vendor or how much to budget.
←Rate | 10-04-2018 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never knew that tanning beds had a pumpkin spice setting.
←Rate | 10-04-2018 07:44 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon DT once said we would get "tired of winning." Well he was half right..... we are tired.
←Rate | 10-04-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Japan has built humanoid robots to do construction work. The robots are so human like that they have three reports of sexual harassment.
←Rate | 10-04-2018 05:32 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been busy today and may of missed it. What was DT's dumb statement of the day, today?
←Rate | 10-04-2018 02:26 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The best part of this Presidential Alert is... Hillary got one too!!
←Rate | 10-03-2018 22:59 Comments (2)  

   messageicon You say, "Not my President" but I bet your phone went off.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 21:53 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I would love to incite a fight after a UB40 concert.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 14:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I'm walking down the street and see a car stopped at a red light I like to wave until the person rolls their window down. Then I say, "You know, you can't park here."
←Rate | 10-03-2018 11:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sex is like a bowling ball, if your not using all three fingers, you're just cheating your game.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 09:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only Blue Wave anyone is going to see this year is the one that hit the Carolina coast a few weeks ago.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 07:35 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Dictionary the only place where divorce comes before marriage.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 02:45 by Haha Comments (0)  

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