Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 5 of 5415

   messageicon Everyone needs a backup man. My husband: plan. The word is plan
←Rate | 02-06-2020 16:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lost my chapstick today, but a few hours later I found one on the floor of a men’s room at an interstate rest-area. Looks like my luck is finally turning around.
←Rate | 02-06-2020 14:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new pet peeve...commercials where people brush their teeth without making a mess. When my kids brush their teeth they look like they have minty fresh rabies.
←Rate | 02-06-2020 12:30 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever my boss calls me into her office my entire Facebook career flashes before my eyes.
←Rate | 02-06-2020 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Worked on our taxes last night. We are getting $867 thousand dollars from federal and we owe the state $966 thousand dollars. Anyone have the number to H&R Block??
←Rate | 02-06-2020 12:22 by Vaterpop Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know I’m getting old when playing the stock market is more fun than playing a video game
←Rate | 02-06-2020 11:41 by Otis Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pringles chips tubes need to be more like push pops we have the technology
←Rate | 02-06-2020 10:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't like it when Godzilla fights the other monsters. I'd rather see them settle their differences on the dance floor.
←Rate | 02-06-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favourite machine at the gym is the television.
←Rate | 02-05-2020 09:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What did the yoga instructor say when asked if she was ever going to leave? --- Nahmaste
←Rate | 02-05-2020 09:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said BREAD IN CAPTIVITY.
←Rate | 02-05-2020 06:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone in this world has consumed more mayonnaise than anyone else currently alive and they don’t even know it
←Rate | 02-05-2020 06:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon From what I've been told by inside sources, Pete had the most votes in Iowa, but Bernie Sanders keeps insisting that they be distributed equally.
←Rate | 02-05-2020 00:00 by JeffW Comments (0)  

   messageicon People that cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 28 dependents in...
←Rate | 02-04-2020 23:59 by JeffW Comments (0)  

   messageicon The people in 1920 probably thought in 2020 we would have our own space ships and robots... but no. So far we've come up with two-sided tape and rubber bands shaped like animals.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 20:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think those status updates that's say copy and paste this status so I'll know who's reading my status are stupid. Copy and paste this status if you agree.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 13:58 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being a procrastinator with OCD means that I do nothing over and over and over again.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canadian bacon is just ham that's apologizing for not being bacon.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You picture a lot more hair when you hear "Hair" as opposed to hearing "Hairs".
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saying someone has a dry sense of humor implies the existence of wet senses of humor.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 12:26 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left