Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon "I am the way, the truth and the lasagna." - Cheeses of Nazareth
←Rate | 12-11-2019 05:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good thing that not everyone owns a smartphone..Someone has to HONK when the light turns green.
←Rate | 12-10-2019 18:40 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate how celebrities always die in 3 like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison and sometimes literally on the same day like Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Bopper and now Oscar the Grinch, Big Bird and Caroll Spinney.
←Rate | 12-10-2019 14:08 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How come Ex-Lax never has coupons for a “Big Blowout Sale”???
←Rate | 12-10-2019 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman's superpower is turning an insignificant misunderstanding into a catastrophe of biblical proportions.
←Rate | 12-10-2019 07:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if the meaning of life is written somewhere in Facebooks user service agreement no one bothered reading?
←Rate | 12-09-2019 12:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman sends me a "Hey there, good lookin" message, you can be assured she sent it to five other guys too. Kidding. She sent it to me by mistake.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 06:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a woman who punched me in the face ever time she'd climax. I freaked when I discovered she was faking them.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 05:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to send a sympathetic Christmastime shout out to young kids these days who see a really cool toy on TV, but will never get it because their parents must be 18 or old6er to call.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 05:02 by BobBogin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Believing Ru$$ian disinformation over US intelligence makes you a commie lover and your grandfathers must be turning in their graves with shame.
←Rate | 12-08-2019 21:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with quotes by famous people you see on Facebook is you never know if they're authentic or not. Albert Einstein,
←Rate | 12-08-2019 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see they brought back Lincoln Logs. I remember those."Let's see, what should I make? I know, a cabin!"
←Rate | 12-08-2019 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are millions of children starving in Africa. IHOP has a sign that says "kids eat free". So build an IHOP in Africa. Problem solved.
←Rate | 12-08-2019 08:41 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
←Rate | 12-08-2019 08:33 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon A whife ask her husband why he was wearing a suit to his vasectomy. He said if I'm going to be impotent, I should look impotent.
←Rate | 12-08-2019 05:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wasn't allowed to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" as a kid because of my Peanut allergy.
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I deduct 5% gratuity for every extra spoon my Cheesecake Factory server puts on my plate, "In case I feel like sharing."
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie why do I spend the holidays hiding in the vents of my workplace?
←Rate | 12-07-2019 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anybody knows any lonely old people preparing to eat Christmas dinner alone? Please let me know as I need to borrow some chairs!
←Rate | 12-07-2019 07:20 by Truman Comments (0)  



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