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Happy "Let's watch a bunch of idiots eat an ass-load of hot dogs on ESPN" day!! 
I have a buddy that is a vegetarian not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!!!
The beat you hear outside the club sounds very similar to the sound a cat makes before throwing up.
Jed Clampett needs to go shootin for some food again. Black Gold, Texas Tea.
Life can be hard. Life can be fun. Life can be kind and life can be mean. Have the right attitude and life can be whatever you want it to be! Smile :)
On a scale from 1 to Rebecca Black how is my singing?
I'm not sure what I find more disturbing, my mum being so adamant that my sister's a lesbian, or my dad winking while he says, "She's not, son......Trust me!"
It not such a big deal when an adult doesn't like you, but when a baby doesn't like you, it's devastating !
if cows could fly, would they all migrate to India?
I dream of the day that I can put my true strengths on my resume and these skills be appreciated. "So I see here you're a bird's eye shot with a rubberband and can nail a three pointer while spinning in an office chair. You Sir, are what we call hired!"
of course it was in the last place I looked....why would I keep looking in another place after I found it?????
i've seen more a$$ then a toilet seat
out making changes in his life... leave a message and I'll get back to you. if I dont get back to you - your one of the changes
unless you’re ryan reynolds driving a taco truck, I ain’t chasing sh*t
It’s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
People need to stop hiding behind the cloak of religious dogma and simply focus on becoming a better person.
Gonna name our dog Sock so I can say “Come, Sock” over and over again at the dog park
What is all this talk about sacrificing grandma in order to boost the economy??? You people are sick!
FOX News has the most embarrasing moments on TV EVER! Every time you think they're done embarresing themselves - WOW!
The Land of the Free but don't exercise your freedoms because that's not patriotic. 