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Page: 45 of 5577
Never treat a Lady like an object, it hates that.
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04-26-2022 01:20
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Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mother only carries one photo, because if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.
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04-26-2022 20:10
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Some people need to avoid touching two faces.
145
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05-06-2022 19:41
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I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.
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08-04-2022 01:38
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All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
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08-05-2022 02:14
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Life begins at 40, so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
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08-15-2022 07:56
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When people ask, “Do you have a bathroom?” No, we pee in the yard.
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07-22-2022 02:20
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When you’re condemned daily, yet you continue because you’re as dense as a mud flap.
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05-23-2022 02:08
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Your cat is a “see you in tea.”
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05-08-2022 20:38
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“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people.
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08-08-2022 02:59
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If you get white milk from white cows, chocolate milk from brown cows, where does pink milk come from?
114
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04-18-2022 01:21
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When a woman laughs during an argument, the psycho part of her brain has just been activated. Abort mission.
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04-26-2022 01:54
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If he drinks his whiskey straight, he’ll do that thing you like.
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04-26-2022 01:55
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Today is the day, I can feel it. I will catch my tail. ~ Dog
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05-09-2022 02:29
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Choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will always find an easy way to do it.
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07-22-2022 02:20
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Cain killed Abel with a rock, God blamed Cain, not the rock.
170
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06-10-2022 01:41
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After all these years, I think I figured out Victoria’s Secret.... She’s hungry.
141
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06-01-2022 11:47
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Friends are God’s way of apologizing for our families.
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07-22-2022 02:17
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I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
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07-22-2022 02:19
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If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
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07-25-2022 10:42
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