Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
←Rate | 07-29-2018 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It may be time to start exercising . Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying for the summit tomorrow.
←Rate | 08-15-2018 12:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my dog needs training school because he rudely yawned in the middle of my stories.
←Rate | 01-28-2018 20:03 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last scene in Titanic with Jack and Rose wasted so many opportunities for a good knock-knock joke
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:10 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon 45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don't turn it on
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "i'll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
←Rate | 03-28-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
←Rate | 03-28-2018 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon * The older I get the earlier it gets late.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, a gun is much less likely to be used in a crime than a Senator.
←Rate | 12-06-2017 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 00:59 by Guess.Who Comments (2)  


   messageicon Can someone please buy the Kardashian's a box of condoms, thanks
←Rate | 05-20-2018 12:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just got catcalled by a construction worker, again. Why can't men realize that we just want to walk down the sidewalk without someone calling out "hey that cement is wet!"
←Rate | 05-22-2018 07:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
←Rate | 06-09-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman Comments (2)  


   messageicon If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:24 Comments (0)  



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