Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 4 of 5386

   messageicon Guys I just seen this girl crying outside of my local mall. I asked her what's wrong, she said she lost 200$. So I gave her 40$ from the 200$ I picked up at the entrance. When God blesses you, you must bless others. Spread love
←Rate | 10-13-2019 07:32 Comments (1)  

   messageicon A vanilla latte w soy milk is technically a 3 bean soup but none of yall are ready to talk about that huh??
←Rate | 10-13-2019 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no hitter
←Rate | 10-13-2019 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hear me out.. A swear jar, but you take a piece of paper out and have to yell what’s written on it
←Rate | 10-13-2019 07:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sushi's just never quite as good re-heated the next day.
←Rate | 10-13-2019 07:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Still being single at the age of 32 just means I statistically avoided my first divorce.
←Rate | 10-13-2019 07:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canadian thanksgiving this weekend. Don’t forget to eat a beaver.
←Rate | 10-12-2019 17:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dating is like garage sales where everything looks great from a distance but up close you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.
←Rate | 10-12-2019 14:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady stabbed a guy singing Christmas Songs at the Mall. I bailed her out.
←Rate | 10-12-2019 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Let the bodies hit the floor" sounds like a sequel to "It's raining men"
←Rate | 10-12-2019 10:43 by MrSharp Comments (0)  

   messageicon Permanently deleted my Facebook account and going back to the old way of social networking called talking.
←Rate | 10-12-2019 10:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We bought an 82 inch TV. Football: awesome Porn: terrifying
←Rate | 10-12-2019 10:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, if he is calling you a 10/10 he calling you a 1. Do the math!
←Rate | 10-12-2019 06:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really don't care if he runs this country into the ground. As long as he pisses off the libs.
←Rate | 10-12-2019 02:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sometimes have a hard time determining if my weekend is a break from the work week or if the work week is a break from my weekend.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 16:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A sure sign you need coffee is to wake up put water in the coffee maker and end up with a nice hot pot of water.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 15:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just to be clear, since some people are so dense to understand this, we don't hate cops, we only hate the corrupted ones.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 14:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 14:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at the Halloween stores.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You'd be surprised at how quick Lowe's employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...
←Rate | 10-11-2019 09:10 by Gabe Comments (1)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left