Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Having a bit of a lazy day! I'm sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online. My boss doesn't look amused.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This funding crisis in Oklahoma education has got to be addressed! Some of the rural schools have taken to teaching driver’s education and sex education out of the same vehicle.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Haven’t been in a relationship in a while. I forget, am I supposed to start the argument or finish it?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon C'mon man, nobody's doing it! - Hipster Peer Pressure
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I tried to make whoopee to the entire orchestra but I only got to second bass.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never sympathized more with women in my life.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon this a Royal Wedding or the Kentucky Derby? The hats make it confusing. I'm taking ""Camilla" to Show.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 07:47 by MediaGuy Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are many benefits of being fat. Take Buddha for instance. He was too heavy to be put on a cross so they told him to just sit there quietly.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 05:41 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

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