Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Don't you hate it when you think you see a good parking spot but then you turn the corner and Stuart f@&k!Ng little is parked there.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 18:11 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did I already post my Alzheimer's status?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 17:57 by KG Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't get the president's alert test tex, but I did get a tex, two big macs, fish filet, large fry, large diet coke.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 17:16 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, now that Conor no longer has a place in boxing and in the octagon, I heard WWE is hiring.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Unable to purchase McGregor`s Proper Twelve Whiskey from his website, says he is currently tapped out.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Straight guy definitely understand consent when a gay guy tries to touch him.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've never had a DUI. Bet you can't steal this status lmao
←Rate | 10-07-2018 08:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why weigh yourself when you could set yourself on fire then roll in broken glass and feel the same way!
←Rate | 10-07-2018 04:59 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most people wake up feeling like a million bucks, me? I wake up feeling like insufficient funds.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 04:38 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon I asked my mechanic what would happen to my car if I stepped on the gas and break at the same time, he looked at me and told me the car would take a screenshot.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 03:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to Yale, I went to Yale. Who gives a flying f**k that you went to Yale?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 00:27 Comments (3)  

   messageicon (To the theam song of Barney & Friends)...... I like beer..... You like beer..... Everone here liiiikes beer..... So lets all go to the bar...... And have a few ew ew beers.
←Rate | 10-06-2018 22:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s one of those days where I just have so many questions like, How does Darth Vader poop?
←Rate | 10-06-2018 17:30 by Meh! Comments (1)  

   messageicon The problem with society today is that no one drinks out of the skuls of their enemies anymore.
←Rate | 10-06-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I feel like saying something I shouldn't . I ask my self, what would the president do? Then I go head and say it.
←Rate | 10-06-2018 06:19 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon .. HIJKLMNO is the chemical formula for water, right? ...... H to O
←Rate | 10-05-2018 20:29 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon ... Not all fairy tales start with "Once upon a time." Some start with "If I am elected president."
←Rate | 10-05-2018 19:42 by Haha Comments (1)  

   messageicon My girlfriend cured me of my constipation by telling me she thought she was pregnant.
←Rate | 10-05-2018 18:25 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe people would be more concerned about saving the planet if chocolate and coffee were on the endangered list.
←Rate | 10-05-2018 16:35 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon FB employees are mad because a FB exec supports Bret Kavanaugh. What a bunch of self righteous, entitled f'n gen x'er pusssies!
←Rate | 10-05-2018 10:14 Comments (8)  

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