Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?..........Mark Sanchez 
I prefer the unfiltered version of a person.
I've reached the level of unfitness where I have to stretch before playing video games.
Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
So where are all the Clown Rights groups? #ClownLivesMatter
When I was young, I grabbed them by their pony tail......
If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
These are troubling times, but as an incredibly drunk philosopher once said, “you can’t make lemonade without breaking a few eggs”
I’d been waiting so long for my doc, when the assistant came out and called for Krokowski, I said right here, here I am and ran back before Krokowski knew what happened.
I dunno when it stopped, but I’m kinda pissed that no one celebrates and gives me a sticker when I dookie anymore
Walking around mutterin' "Damn kids" while turning down the thermostat. The Walking Dad
I met my wife online. We’ve been married four years and have a girl, a troll and lovely twin bots.
To answer your question: No, I’ve never been sought after, but I did once confuse a man’s intentions toward my lasagna as being sought after so I married him.
I love going places just to spend the entire time taking my kids to the bathroom
It was a mistake Friending you and I wont make it again
Frankenstein was 90% about someone making up a guy and then getting mad at him
My ability to do the worm originated from tripping, landing on my face and being too lazy to get up to walk to bed
I'd like to give a big shoot-out to the Earps and the Clantons
I t.hink I. mig.ht hav.e ina.dverte.ntly tak.en one .of my wif.e's bir.th c.ontrol pi.lls beca.use m.y perio.ds a.re irr.egu.lar
Some mornings you just can't smell enough coffee. ☕️ 