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Vape pens are the new Crocs 
Our Smart phones are making us Dumb!!
I thought my sister was lying when she told me Davey Jones from the Monkees had died....................then I saw her face.
I'm 6 weeks. Now make me a Goddamn sammich.........
Asia-Vu the feeling you've seen that Asian person before
Can we please get some new ones instead of the constant repeats?
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield, it said parking fine
Can't believe Monica Lewinsky is already 38, seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees
If Ben Roethlisberger is actually getting married tomorrow----- I see no reason why Michael Vick cant own a dog!! :P
It sox to be you.
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You know you were raised Catholic when you're watching Star Wars and hear "the force be with you" and you respond "and also with you."
Anyone who thinks unemployment benefits keep people from looking for work isn't living on unemployment benefits.
happy that the "balloon boy" is safe...for a minute there I thought maybe Michael Jackson ordered carry-out from heaven!
7-11, mini-mart, and several gas stations will be closed due to a death in the family...
Condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"
What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it.
The oriental man next door is SO nice!! he just came and asked if he could Wok my dog!! I was like "sure, I'll get the leash" Must have went a long ways, he still hasn't brought my dog back and it's been 3 days....
Jobless claims went down this month only after the Obama administration laid-off California.
Someone once told me "you'll never gonna forget me". I don't remember who that was. 