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If you find a girl that makes you laugh, keep her because women are not funny. 
I looked at the keyboard earlier and I noticed 'U' & 'I' are together...it's meant to be! Then I looked underneath it and it said JK.
My dog’s dinner: premium organic grain-free no salt or sugar GM free 80% meat 20% veg My dinner: Haribo
Do I have to have watch Spiderman one, two, three, one, two, one, and two to understand what’s going on in Spiderman 3?
Taco Bell wouldn’t be so popular if indoor plumbing didn’t exist
my dr just scheduled my colonoscopy on valentine’s day, do I take flowers or…?
Gwyneth Paltrow should invent a candle that smells like a brand new can of Play-Doh
An educational show for children about the importance of treating your toys nicely: Breaking Bad
My wife has been looking through the window every since it started raining this morning.
I suppose I should let her back in.
When I went into Rehab the sign over the door said "Abandon all dope, ye who enter."
Celebrities: quit selling guns. No one needs gun beside my bodyguard
I start wearing an earring when my wife found it in our bed.
Last night I ordered my whole dinner in French. Even the waiter was impressed, because it was a Chinese restaurant.
On the bright side, at least we found a way to stop mass shooting in schools, offices, malls and concerts.
We had no pandemics in 1974 because everyone was busy Kung Fu fighting.
The way we're losing the Coronavirus surprised Mexico hasn't paid to finish the wall yet.
You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as "suspicious activity."
We all have that one friend that makes us laugh with their stupidity.
You are limited by what you settle for.
I don't want to be mean and "block" you, so just close your eyes when I post, like I do, when I see YOUR pic. Thanks :) 