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I have spend years pefecting the art of walking around my house in the dark. Now what I wanna know, is who the hell put that f*cking stool in the middle of the damn living room?! 
I think I'm missing a point :| ----->>> ... .....
BREAKING NEWS! Private IMs of Top BP Engineer released! BP-1: Nothing is working. Any more ideas? BP-2: What if we build a large wooden badger?
wonders why when you are eating Starburst and ask someone if they would like one, they always want a "red" one?
wondering if fix a flat will bring my blow up doll back to life?
You know you're getting old when you prefer nut clusters to marshmallows in your cereal.
A penny saved is a girlfriend lost.
When things sound reasonable ~ its time to up my medication.
I hate grocery shopping because I'm no very good at predicting what I'm going to feel like eating in a few days.
thinking jelously gets you no where, so hurry up and get over it.
Life is like a confused teacher... First she gives the test then she teaches the lesson
"Few men have d natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy."
being a politician is like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're f'ing them."
I'm extending Halloween one MORE day for everyone. I talked to your boss, (s)he said no problem as long as you come to work in a slutty costume.
'cyber' Monday is awesome I got like 3 dates lined up....also I think there was a sale online
sooooo skint she is off to KFC to lick everyone else's fingers....again. ♥
There's only two types of people who are against drinking: the people who never drink... and the people who really suck at drinking.
feels sorry for the rabbitt who nevers gets trix - it just proves kids are mean to animals!!
messing about with google maps..still giggling cos theres alot of Beaver in america, some small...some huge!!.
it may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others... 