Funny Status Messages

   thankful for my mistakes for they have been my greatest teachers.

   why does it seem like Toys 'R Us just threw up in my living room???

   annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.

   I order the club sandwich all the time. I'm not even a member. I dunno how I get away with it.

   some people come to Facebook just to air out their "dirty laundry", others just don't know how to clean it.

   If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten

   I have no problem giving credit where credit is due. It's giving payment where payment is due is where I struggle.

   isn't it funny that when your internet goes down, your computer becomes completely uninteresting anymore? ........and you actually wanna go out and have a life?

   if Facebook and Myspace were 9 to 5 jobs, then unemployment would cease to exist in our economy.

   the first jockstrap was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain was also important.

   If this phone were really smart, it wouldn't let certain people call me.

   doesn't think you should ever compliment a lady on her mustache... no matter how magnificent it is.

   If someone ever tells you "we need to talk" they dont care about anything you have to say.

   really thinks there should be an option on Facebook to 'like' someone's status but not be reminded every single time someone replies on it!

   I'd be willing to bet that the gambling addiction hotline would work better if every fifth caller was a winner.

   If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.

   Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?

   We use 300muscles to keep our balance when we stand, The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb the femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's.A woman has read this entire post..a man is stil lookin at his thumb

   An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten."

   enjoying a nice bottle of vintage DayQuil '09. The texture is like honey, taste like crap with touch of lemon