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whenever you drop clothes on the ground and don't feel like bending down to pick it up so you just kick it up and catch it in the air 
be yourself...everyone else is taken
You know what they say about a man and his feet, That's why I don't find my fear of being raped by a clown irrational.
Hosni Mubarak should have listened to me when I told him to get rid of that Justin Bieber song from his i-pod playlist
What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook! (and then gets sold to the government for everyone to see).
I decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information. ;)
alcohol may cause more deaths than AIDS, TB, and violence... but doesn't it make up for it with pregnancies?i
I'm going to be blunt and straight to the point here...people are stupid..
couldn't get a girl even if he bathed in chocolate and wore clothes made of $1,000 bills
I wouldn't wanna be around when one of the guys from ZZ Top eats an egg salad sandwich.
Sometimes, I pretend my curling iron is a lightsaber.
gas is costing me a arm an a leg, if it hit 5 dollars I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to walk.. .
Well well well Mr. Sun, It's about time your lazy a$$ showed up for work!!
I am the guy who breaks the link in chain letters without even giving a rat's a$$.
Most cocaine addicts don't even like cocaine, they just use it as an excuse to put dollar bills up their nose.
If you pretend 7am is the new happy hour, getting up early isn't all that bad anymore.
you are probably not as cool as you think, if you use the word "HELLA" trying to make a funny comment!
I said.." I want a friend with benefits"..not "a friend on benefits"
Mark your calendar - Valentines weekend, 2013. Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard.
The brain is the most important organ you have...According to the brain. 