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Once you've resolved to stop Googling yourself, the Internet really doesn't have much to offer. 
Any views which are expressed and any similarity of persons portrayed to any actual persons living or dead in the following status message is purely incidental...
New Word: Procrastibation - Needing to do something important like laundry, but decide that getting off is more important!
quoting garfield: mondays suck!
moderation is overrated....
works forty hours a week to be this poor
text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."
asking you to Learn from your parents mistakes.............use birth control!
likes you. He will kill you last.
....he bumped his head and went to bed and couldn't get up in the morning.
people go on holiday then come on facebook to chat..................ARE YOU FOR REAL
hung to the over
got drunk with Captain Morgan this weekend and forgot about his mean right hook!
will take his martini shaken or stirred. Frankly, he doesn't think there's much difference.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Figures, the only time the world beat a path to my door and I am taking a crap in the bathroom..
So, I guess the FDA has approved the "week-after" pill - the perfect remedy for those not so skilled at time/pants management.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
the most humiliating walk of shame includes a Halloween costume...smile
I wonder if Pitbull reallizes that he is the NEXT Li'L John ? 