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I'm goin to a pretty place now where the flowers grow. I'll be back in an hour or so.... 
and thats how I lost another watch
will grow up one day...just not today
Not sure if I want the government stimulating my package.... Will Michelle Obama be in the room?
kicked a squirrel, and he liked it.
Awesome ends with ME
does not know that the bird is the word.
just seen a man wearing pinki capri's, must be a foreigner..
Im not random...you just cant think as fast as me! :)
a certain sign of who will wear the pants suit in your marriage is when the wedding reception has a Vegan menu and a gluten-free cake!
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
A study finds that most US currency is laced with cocaine. In fact, most dollar bills have a street value of $1.07.
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
Just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs!! :p
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate a&& who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the Pill, something that prevents women from becoming mothers turns 50 on Mother's Day. Coincidence??
Mother's Day Warning: You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
saw a commercial for the United In Rock Tour (Styx, Foreigner, Kansas) and I thought to myself "I hope they don't play in Arizona...because Foreigner would be screwed."
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world"
Before an argument with your wife/girlfriend, they should read you your Miranda rights........because whatever you say WILL be used against you. 