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... so the failed bomb was sewn to the inside of his underpants? How does that impact his hope of 72 virgins? Just imagine his expression as they stomped out the fire. :O 
Fripple - adj. Cold enough to freeze nipples. (etymology: combination of the words frozen and nipple) Ex. It is fripple cold outside,
I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours
just became a fan of I KNOW YOUR A FAN OF "GET A NOTIFICATION OF WHO VIEWED YOUR PROFILE" SO I AM GOING TO CLICK ON YOUR PROFILE PAGE 400 TIMES A DAY TO GIVE YOU FALSE HOPE OR TO THINK I AM CYBER STALKING YOU...
eaten so many skittles shes peeing rainbows!
I took my girlfriend to see the new Twilight movie today. It was bad. The Gulf Of Mexico is in better shape than that movie's plotline.
Remember when TV was free?
***Breaking News*** Facebook launches new site dedicated to unattractive ladies posting seductive profile pictures of themselves. Butterfacebook.com
...after driving from Portland to Seattle, I no longer have a sense of peace on earth, nor any goodwill toward men… or that b*^%# in the Mazda just north of Tacoma.
I'm a man of tradition, but My girl has convinced me it's time to stop celebrating, and time to take down the decorations. I suppose she's right. It's been a few months since her mum's funeral.
I have enough caffeine in right now that I can probably pull off a Jessie Spanno... i'm so, i'm so, i'm so scared
playing with himself.....legos are awesome!
According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their powers, Zeus split them into two parts; condemning them to spend the rest of their lives in search of their other halves.
needs a new fitness plan... LMAO is not making my pants fit any better
so looking forward to seeing "New Moon". Wow! An emo-kid vampire movie? How original!
Never go to bed angry - Stay awake and plot your revenge!
Love is just a misunderstanding between two fools
if texting and driving is dangerous....look at me I'm updating my face book!
was very excited until my wife informed me that is NOT why they call it Hump Day. Sure, honey. And I suppose that Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with mayonnaise?
DRUNK DIAL: The lame assumption that when you drink heavily that people want to talk to your emotional ass at 4am! 