Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 337 of 5593

   messageicon Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 21:17 by Jerry Carter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Math Problem: If Matt has 16 oz of coffee and loses 4 oz at each of 5 speed bumps going into work, how many seconds until Matt kills everyone?
←Rate | 03-21-2012 20:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math... But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%
←Rate | 06-12-2012 09:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't expect a bless you on the 5th sneeze, get that sh*t under conrtol
←Rate | 07-06-2012 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
←Rate | 06-01-2011 01:44 by chucktaylor Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your relationship status to 'single' and wait 5 minutes.
←Rate | 07-08-2011 14:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Wife says I'm too Immature, and if I don't Grow Up it's going to erect a barrier between us .....Hee Hee Hee....Erect
←Rate | 10-20-2009 12:56 by Vitamin N Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?(A} Almost Boobs {B} Barely there {C} Can't Complain! (D) Dang! (DD) Double Dang! (F) Fake. (G) Get a Reduction. (H)Help me, I've fallen and I can't g
←Rate | 04-21-2010 09:43 by Mdu Comments (4)  


   messageicon If you were stranded on a deserted island with only a solar powered cd player, and a bieber cd........ how would you kill yourself?
←Rate | 02-16-2011 11:54 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart Owner: "Ok, So here's the plan.We'll put 25-30 registers in each store. Then, we'll only put cashiers at 3 of them.It can't fail!"
←Rate | 08-16-2011 21:06 by @sondramckinney Comments (0)  


   messageicon A positive to being overweight: you fill the bathtub up real quick, and save money on your water bill.
←Rate | 06-27-2011 11:06 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're just gonna quit going to the gym in a couple weeks then please don't pack the gyms now. thanks!
←Rate | 01-04-2010 15:59 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who investigate strange noises in horror movies deserve to die.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you feel a sneeze coming on, yell out "PIKA!" right before the sneeze
←Rate | 12-27-2010 19:31 Comments (3)  


   messageicon I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight, come over
←Rate | 02-01-2012 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me and my recliner...we go way back.
←Rate | 01-29-2012 11:52 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 34, looking for some action!", so I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
←Rate | 10-14-2012 07:39 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I'm here to 'like' them.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize that I had no idea what the eff was going on when I first saw it.
←Rate | 09-28-2009 23:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't think I could ever stab someone. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:08 by MBH Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left