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glad to see they are considering banning ED drug ads during the day. I hope the penalties are stiff. 
not superstitious. Well... maybe a little stitious.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'
Sing as if no one is listening, work as if someone is watching, make love as if you need the money, and dance as if no one is going to post it on Youtube."
"CARPE SCROTUM"..seize the day by the balls!!!
I find the upper arm bone humerus
I start drinking earlier and earlier everyday... I had to set my alarm this morning.
The closest I come to cooking with gas is when I break wind while frying a steak
starting an oatmeal delivery company.I`m leaning towards naming it Haulin` Oats.
Please do not open any messages from me that are entitled "Do not open , This is a virus which will destroy your hard drive then come to your house and donkey punch you in the back of the head"
Wow, Christmas parties invitations are starting to arrive... grrrr... shut up liver!
"Oprah tips homeless dude $100" ...20 min. later, homeless dude's crack dealer: "where you get the Benjamin, homie?"
Bucket list #17 - boxing a kangaroo.
The honorable Lt. Frank Drebin is gone.. Yet Nordberg is still with us.. Wheres the justice?
I walk the streets with a smile on my face while looking up. Just in case the cameras of Google Maps are filming.
My Christmas tree looks like Hell. I can get away with it though, because I'm a guy.
how ironic would it be to choke on a lifesaver?
Whoever originally thought up the vampire idea should have trademarked it.
Trick or treat? I say why not be naughty and have both!
Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it. 