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Why didn't they just kill Gilligan on Gilligan's Island? If he hadn't screwed crap up, they could've been off that damn island years before. And what's with Skipper? You don't get that fat eating coconuts. That fat ba$tard is hiding something. 
Just learned that tigers don't eat Frosted Flakes. Now I'm questioning whether they're even gr-r-reat. I don't know what to believe anymore.
Today is National Margarita Day, however, it is also National Humble Day and National Walk the Dog Day. Guess I will go home and fix a Margarita, hook the dog up to the treadmill and hide in the closet while drinking said Margarita.
Who needs moving boxes? OH, that's right...the Obamas do.
Safety pins are for diapers, full of crap
Dear Misandry. At the height of women workers in WWII it was only 2.2 million out of 103 million jobs. That is 2%. We talking german or asian is a feminist lie. Learn your history.
They should change the name of Facebook to “whineonline”
The poor grammar I see displayed on practically every FB post indicates that home schooling is is going to have disastrous results.
"you da bomb" - " No you da bomb" In America - a compliment.
In the middle East - an argument.
I'm thinking of hiring Michael Cohen as my lawyer. He only has three clients and apparently he works for free. He doesn't take money from anyone.
says another person gets mauled by a tiger...When are people going to realize they are delicious?
wonders if when people write "..had an interesting weekend ;) ", that they really mean "had a weekend watching tv and eating cheesy puffs but I wont let you know how sad I am"?
thinks the best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose
signatures are the leading cause of divorce in this country.
So, Terrelle Pryor gets suspended, but Cam Newton gets a Heisman? Oh, ok, that's fair
One of the most exciting things about life is not knowing what's next.
Facebook: the place where you are a nice person when you add someone and become an ***hole when you delete them.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless. And in this moment I am happy.. 