Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon PESSIMIST : Someone who can look at the land of milk and honey, and see only calories and cholesterol !
←Rate | 02-13-2020 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Real friends don’t rub it in. They rub it out.
←Rate | 02-13-2020 04:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend doesn't understand why her Facebook friends don't recognize her in public, which might be because she takes a hundred selfies and posts the best one knowing that she looks like the other 99
←Rate | 02-12-2020 22:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend Sierra tried to throw her empty soda can in the trash. Unfortunately, Sierra Mist.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 14:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taking things to the thrift store. But first I have to drive around with it in the back of my car for the next 3 months.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 12:29 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Show her you care by grabbing anything off the CVS shelf with a heart on it.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 11:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Socialist: A person who wants everything you have except your job.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 11:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A survey by the national retail foundation said that some people even give their fish Valentine's Day gifts. A good way to tell that you've lost your mind is if you give your fish a Valentine's Day gift.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t think my wife realizes that the FREE SEX coupons I gave her last Valentine’s Day are about to expire.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I'm weak anyway.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 07:49 by BobBogin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brooms are standing and strippers are falling. What's this world coming to
←Rate | 02-11-2020 18:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I called the Coronavirus hotline. I kept getting a recording about soy sauce saying, "Do not refill bottle with other than Kikkoman!"
←Rate | 02-11-2020 18:08 by FaRaRaRaRa...RaRaRaRa Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sleeping In A Car By Age: 12 And Under: Very cool 13-17: Kinda weird but not that big of a deal 18+: Uh-Oh
←Rate | 02-11-2020 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying
←Rate | 02-11-2020 15:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just resized my favorite holiday is coming up on the 15th known as I'm single and not needy and can buy my own damn cakes and candy for 50% off day!
←Rate | 02-11-2020 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
←Rate | 02-11-2020 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As you get older you quit looking towards the future And find yourself longing for the Pasture
←Rate | 02-11-2020 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good pick up line to use on a pregnant woman is "Got room for one more in there?"
←Rate | 02-11-2020 13:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the Eagles wrote the lyric "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device," they weren't kidding. Posted from my iPhone
←Rate | 02-11-2020 13:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father always said The sky's the limit! Which now that I think about it might be why he lost his job at NASA?
←Rate | 02-11-2020 01:21 Comments (0)  



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