Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Wouldn't it be nice to have the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 5 year old.
←Rate | 01-14-2019 17:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now officially talking to myself but somehow I hear busy signals in my ears. I wonder if I can get call waiting?? Wait... Maybe its better I dont answer myself.
←Rate | 01-14-2019 00:49 by DocNoland Comments (0)  

   messageicon To MacKenzie Bezos: 'sup, girl?
←Rate | 01-13-2019 22:50 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Got my ancestry DNA results back. It seems I related to Adam and Eve.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 16:35 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Barbie sure has a lot of nice things for a woman whose knees don't bend.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, your man can’t complain about your excessive shopping habit if he has your tit in his mouth.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have never met a baby named Gary. It’s like they just start life at 30 years old.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She blinded me with science! Well, Chemistry... Mace. It was mace.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 10:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I go to Taco Bell I get diarrhea. Perhaps next time, I should get tacos.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 10:08 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’ve realized that the penguin may be the only animal on earth that falls over more than I do
←Rate | 01-12-2019 09:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't care about the shutdown affecting the parks and monuments. But I draw the line when it effect my beer.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 01:03 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I got gas for $2 a gallon which was cheaper than getting it at Taco Bell.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 16:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I still don't know why Microsoft put a talking paper clip in Microsoft Office instead of a talking ink pen they could call your "pen pal"
←Rate | 01-11-2019 14:37 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Euthanasia is OK, but most people can live without it.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A 99-year-old guy and his 96-year-old wife getting divorced. They never got along and people kept saying, “Why did you wait so long to get a divorce?” And they said, “We want to wait until the kids were dead.”
←Rate | 01-11-2019 06:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new study found that ESP could actually be real. I read about it in tomorrow’s paper.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 06:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?
←Rate | 01-11-2019 04:36 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon I started a support group for men with erectile dysfuntion. It was a flop and nobody came.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 04:33 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon 7645 plus, false or misleading claims. what a record.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 02:20 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 17:34 by Bob Comments (0)  

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