Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon A haunted house that has a room where a bunch of women ask you "Notice anything different about my hair?"
←Rate | 10-20-2019 09:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The coconut is very versatile. It can be eaten or be used to make a radio.
←Rate | 10-20-2019 09:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon how.... how do you get sold out... of having no mayo????
←Rate | 10-20-2019 09:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When is carotene going to get out of beta mode?
←Rate | 10-20-2019 09:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shouldn't women have a girlnecologist?
←Rate | 10-20-2019 09:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish my navigation system was a little more zen-like and instead of saying things like "Your destination is in 300 ft" it would say "Your destination is in 300 ft but remember, it's not about the destination, it's the journey that counted!"
←Rate | 10-19-2019 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your Google Self-Driving car should be taken away if you don't let your dog sit in the driver's seat while you hold a map riding shotgun.
←Rate | 10-19-2019 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to brag but my wife bought toothpaste because she thought it was almost empty and I squeezed out paste for two more months.
←Rate | 10-19-2019 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only time a classic old VW doesn’t leak is when it has run out of oil.
←Rate | 10-19-2019 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She did no wrong doing, according to your God's investigating team.
←Rate | 10-19-2019 13:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If youre going to give your kid a name like hes an 80s action hero, then make sure he goes outside every once and a while. Cause "Maverick" looks like the only exercise he gets it walking to the fridge and back to the Playstation.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 18:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would a veterinary chiropractor be an animal cracker?
←Rate | 10-18-2019 13:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you're outside and they walk by.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 11:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A dating site that connects Tupperware containers with lost lids.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Was forced to watch Lifetime and now I think my water just broke
←Rate | 10-18-2019 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The second my daughter gets her own place, I’m coming over and clogging her toilet.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 10:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [first day as a self defense teacher] Me: who knows how to get out of a headlock? Kid who has me in a headlock: shut up
←Rate | 10-18-2019 09:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saw a sign advertising crabs and clams. I don't know about you, but I prefer to keep the crabs away from my clam.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 09:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
←Rate | 10-18-2019 09:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My safe word is "insufficient funds".
←Rate | 10-18-2019 09:32 Comments (0)  

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