Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Fun Fact: The Simpsons are 31 years old. They made their first debut 4/19/87 on the Tracey Ullman show.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 00:36 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I almost took a girl out once. BOY . . . did I dodge a bullet. Her dad never liked me, and fortunately, his aim was off!
←Rate | 04-19-2018 22:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When they make Molasses, what do they do with the rest of the Mole ?
←Rate | 04-19-2018 16:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never hire an elecetrician with fuzzy hair
←Rate | 04-19-2018 15:22 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've come to the conclusion that the things I most desire in life are illegal, very expensive, fattening, bad for my health, too young for me, or married to someone else.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 14:43 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon Texas please vote for Ted Cruz. Because if you don't, he could end up on the View.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 13:50 by The.Donald Comments (4)  

   messageicon I want a version of Baywatch with only fat people in it.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 13:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder what the President meant by "breeding concept"? My guess is exactly what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The bravest man in the world is the prince from Sleeping Beauty because waking up a tired woman can go sideways very fast.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy in a leather jacket told me that if I gave him a hundred dollars he'd give me three hundred back in a month. It sounded too good to be true, but then I realized that it was just a Fonzi scheme.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 08:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there is a Little Debbie then that means somewhere out there is Large Deborah and don't dare touch her cakes
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apple were considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday I went to an antique shop and asked "What's new?". I don't know why that guy gave me a murderous look
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgetting to switch off your alarm on a day when you’re not meant to go Work is an invention of lucifer himself
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Witchcraft is when your boyfriend uses different condom flavour's on every round 🍎🍆🍇🍓🍒🍐🍉🍍 you go home smelling like fruit salad.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I baked you some cookies They’re in the garbage
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the leader of the free world has time to tweet, then you have time to return my texts.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i live for small victories and big tits
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wanna see awkward? Hand me a baby.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 02:14 Comments (0)  

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