Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 3 of 5397

   messageicon I'm still watching the Never Ending Story
←Rate | 12-12-2019 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend in Quebec is a heavy drinker. In fact he drank Canada Dry
←Rate | 12-12-2019 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The actual term for the outfit a nun wears is a 'nunsie'.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my life, I’ve lived in walk-up buildings with no elevators. Mom was right – she told me I was always going to attract stairs.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well one thing about Burger King's new Impossible vegan whooper compared the classic Whopper is you don't have to wonder if it's actually made out of meat.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone in this group know of an old couple or even a single old lady or man who will be eating alone this Christmas? I am having friends and relatives over and need to borrow a few chairs.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 11:11 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I know I’m no longer a kid, but I still hold out in the childlike hope that some day money will fall out of the sky. At least enough money to buy a Three Musketeers bar and some wax lips from 7-Eleven.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The UPS driver beat on my door so loudly that it sounded like the cops. Calm down, dude, it's just my cat food.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Eats a Lean Cuisine *20 minutes go by. *Devours entire Pizza Hut store...including employees.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to use knockout gas or whack me over the head with a canoe paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to have a large ceramic container full of soap but everybody was afraid to use it because... It was a croc o' Dial.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How in the world can I make wise life choices when I still use my fingers to add, sing the alphabet to see which letter comes next and think that BBQ potato chips are actually cooked on a BBQ?
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Airport security has just made sure that I don't have weapons or prostate cancer.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: you know how in movies someone is yelling at someone else and the sexuality of the exchange overtakes them and they start making out Wife: yes why Me: my boss fired me today
←Rate | 12-11-2019 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After eating this cereal for 30 years I am still neither lucky nor charming.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Biden's economic policy makes about as much sense as fragrance free perfume...
←Rate | 12-11-2019 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My lasagna just took a picture of me and posted it on Instagram
←Rate | 12-11-2019 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A grown man smelling like baby powder stood next to me today. My maternal instincts have never been so confused.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of my parenting skills come from watching Animal Planet.
←Rate | 12-11-2019 13:32 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left