Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon love is out there, kinda like the zodiac killer is still out there too, so good luck.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 15:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like it when I'm accidentally a genius.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The first 5 items on my bucket list are just different places I'd like to nap.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry I freaked you out by paying attention. I keep forgetting that people don't do that anymore.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My morning exercise routine includes snooze presses. I like to get in at least 5 reps.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 12:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to strengthen your abs: 1. lie down and put your hands behind your head... Wow, what great position for a nap, better take a nap.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't make me go all shouty capitals on you ...
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shout out to pizza and sunglasses for being the only thing left to be sold out of huts.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 18:55 by Jimmy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she’s worth a shot
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my wife picks a restaurant that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
←Rate | 04-21-2018 04:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kid, “Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake?” Husband, “No it was just your mother coming down the stairs.” And that, folks, is how to end a marriage in 10 words or less.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday I went to an antique shop and asked "What's new?". I don't know why that guy gave me a murderous look
←Rate | 04-19-2018 07:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm tired of making me happy. Someone else needs to take a turn.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’ve never met a nap I didn’t like.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t remember the last time I knew what I was doing.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 06:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't take it personal. I gave up on people in general years ago.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some crap for Farmville
←Rate | 04-21-2018 04:40 Comments (1)  

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