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I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twin sons will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys to be in their mom at the same time.
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09-07-2011 14:48 by
Marshall the Great
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Today I'm going to sleep naked. 14 mosquitos likes this
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05-26-2011 07:07 by
xprivado
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I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off your trees let me know.
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11-09-2011 15:29
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At a wedding reception someone yelled: "All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living…" The bartender was crushed to death…
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12-20-2011 14:03 by
ZZZ-FUXY
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1 tequila, 2 tequilas, 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teuiqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklas, 9 trwqiukas 10 trewqiÃ...
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10-11-2011 22:12 by
@ericroflmao
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At work, when you don't know what to do, just walk fast and look worried.
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03-24-2011 09:13 by
abbybaby34
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"In this same office, firing you." - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question.
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02-15-2011 11:47 by
Aaron
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I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
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03-29-2013 08:03 by
MWC
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The quickest way to get someone's attention is to no longer want it.
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11-28-2010 14:59 by
Marshall the Great
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RIP Leslie Nielsen. I promise not to call you Shirley.
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11-28-2010 22:12
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says, "If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it... Now shut up! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers!"
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04-08-2009 06:34
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Sometimes I whisper, "I'm on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world....
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02-28-2011 12:48
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Women always say 'all men want is sex' ....that's a lie. They want head too.
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09-16-2011 06:12
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These ‘energy saving' light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
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08-31-2011 10:30 by
SuthernFukr
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You know you're in the wrong part of town, when you start seeing pay phones...
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06-01-2011 12:40 by
Marshall the Great
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Life's too short to wake up in a bad mood- I save mine until I get to work.
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03-06-2011 15:06 by
Abbybaby34
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I can't even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me, "You better not put that on Facebook!"
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03-07-2011 14:46 by
Marshall the Great
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There is nothing worse than watching the new guy at Subway make your sandwich.
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01-21-2012 14:46
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I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
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03-14-2012 13:05 by
Joe
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Who else backspaces their whole password, even if only one letter is wrong?
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05-20-2012 22:34 by
BEGO
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