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Not a good idea to Text/tweet and walk at the same time. Trust me, the pole is closer than you think... 
I want to donkey punch ignorant people
Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass
thankful for the makers of Lysol
Don't text and walk at the same time. Trust me, that street lamp is closer than you think...
Paris Hilton thanks fans for their support following cocaine arrest. In other breaking news: Paris Hilton has fans?!
just found out that the next Hannah Montana will be played by Justin Bieber!
Sometimes life just needs a good, hard CTRL ALT DELETE.
I never read and will never read your 55 page terms of use. I will always agree, so stop asking me to confirm that I read it.
It takes a special kind of crazy to marry a divorce lawyer.
....so next time your in Home Depot or Menards buying somthing BIG... like a couple sheets of plywood or something....with a straight face.... ask them if you can get some help putting the items in your Smartcar...the look is priceless
thinks he knows why Chloe Kardashian and Chewbacca have never been seen in the same room together...
thought he saw a ninja while driving home today - turned out to be just a light pole...or was it?
For those celebrating Woman's Day... A 'man' won women of the year last year...just sayin..
Respect must be earned, even when you are a fat, rich white guy with an important job.
WhitePeopleGoogleSearches How do I find my stolen iPhone BlackPeopleGoogleSearches How do I unlock the iPhone I just found..
And there are some that say I don't need an AR-15 and 30 round mags. Yeah right....
Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Jersey Shore..
Anyone caught Rioting on Inauguration Day should lose their Welfare Benefits. Oh, and their Obama Phones too.
I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face 