Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
What a beautiful day to punch people in the face. 
Don't eat the green snow!!!
"Im not talking without my lawyer present". Cop:"but you are the lawyer". Me: "Exactly, so where's my present"?
I went to see a fat psychic the other day..... well it was actually a four chin teller.
Man with Corona virus seeks woman with Lymes disease
Q: How many Grammar Nazis does it take to change a light bulb? A: Too.
Tomorrow is the National Homeschool Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear.
Purell better be working on a combination sanitizer, and murder hornet repellent.
It rained here in Arizona today, but it was a dry rain.😛
My dog peed in his pool and then laid down in it and I thought that was awful until I remembered my last trip to the lake.
I really hope the Covid-19 virus can't be spread from kissing butt.
In Game of Thrones, how Cersei felt during the walk of shame is how I feel using a CoinStar in front of everyone in the grocery store.
Any relationship can be a long distance relationship if you run away.
When I start to forget things in old age, I hope it’s the Kardashians and Hot Tub Time Machine 2, not my address or where to pee.
Sitting by the dock of the....OMG look how good my reflection looks in the water.
Dear U.S. Representatives. Next time, instead of a "sit in", threaten a "SH*T IN". Let's see how they like them apples.
Some Warning Labels are a little stupid, like on my Deodorant it says, "Avoid Contact with Eyes"....TOO LATE, I've already seen it!!!
The United Kingdom will exit the European Union and have agreed to start seeing other countries, like the United States.
"That guy in the salmon colored shorts is getting laid tonight." -Said no woman ever
When Attorney General Loretta Lynch was testifying in court about her secret meeting with Hillary's husband, I was struck by the irony of the fact that she was appointed Attorney General to arrest people like Loretta Lynch. 