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Road rage catalyst: People who slow down and creep when turning a corner. 
I gave up smoking,I gave up drinking,I try to exercise,I try to eat right......apparently this means I will live longer but the trouble is I am boreeeeed
I use to be in great shape until I fell in love... Damn!!!
This is MY facebook wall and I can do whatever the hell I want with it.
I respect you so much I salute you with 1 finger
a little upset about this potential ban on four loko. Aren't they aware that breakfast is the most important meal of the day?
I bought a book entitled, 'An idiot's guide to saving money'. It was only £39.99.
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!
working as a waiter. The pay isn't great but I put food on the table.
says "Oh, you hate your job, and you don't have enough money" Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet right down the street at the place called EVERYWHERE!".
wonders when a seeing eye dog for the blind has a crap,who picks it up?
My last girlfriend wanted more excitement in our relationship so I gave her a couple of opportunities to escape the basement.
The fast food strike is today. I wonder who will get my order wrong now?
I hate it when a woman asks, "Guess what today is?"
Well what'a you know...it's nappy hour!!
My girlfriend caught the bouquet at a wedding and now we hardly have sex.
WTF Levi's? 36" fall off. 35" sqeeze me in half. It's one damn inch!!
Oh me? Just sitting around the office explaining Facebook to my Boss...... If anybody asks it's $49.99 to join & I discuss a lot of DIY projects in my status updates.
The last time I visited a gym , a white guy was the President..
Thank the powers that you're not here to smell that one. 