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Spread you open slowly Lick you with my tongue Dip you in my milk..... Damn oreos are good! 
My wife told me she was going to leave me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. Slightly concerned, but in the end it doesn't even matter
dems trying to censor any free speech site. And if they can't censor it, they flood it with pro-left nonsense. Sound familiar?
I haven't seen a lead blown that great since Hillary's 2016 campaign
My friends treat me like God. They completely ignore my existence until they need something.
Whoever named them "sugar cookies" could've tried a little harder.
It's social media. Not "I'm a thirsty, gender confused, angry, whiney cry baby" media.
I'm not sure who complains more, Hillary or LeBron.
If I die at the gym while lifting weights, add more weights then call 911.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
Take it to the next level. Fire and Fury audiobook narrated by Hillary Clinton.
I have an irrational fear of Disco Music. It gives me the Heebie Bee Gees.
.Don't mean to brag but I saw the Solar Eclipse today. Went outside, closed my eyes & BAM! Solar Eclipse.....
Ironically, the mullet was probably created to STOP necks from getting red.
If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don't go outside.
I can't wait until having babies goes out of fashion
Damn it...... I've been eating Thin Mints like crazy and haven't lost a freakin pound?
I love it when I open the dryer door and money falls out instead of my cat .
Based on the obnoxious, drunk girl laughter coming from the car in front of me at the drive-thru, pretty sure that guy gets laid tonight. 