Funny Status Messages

   Happy Earth Day. I'm doing my part by vacuuming all of the dirt out of my car and putting it back on the ground where it belongs.

   Can't wait til Feb. 15th...otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate day.

   Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.

   Why do hospitals need to advertise? It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead.

   I only like games where the winner gets their stomach pumped at the hospital

   The intellectual level of this status update has been deliberately diminished for your comprehension.

   Never trust a homeless guy selling homemade lemonade, just saying.

   I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.

   Adele might set fire to rain... But SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.

   Let's all take a moment and be thankful spiders can't fly

   If only the Olympics had an event that involved falling down and not spilling your drink...

   Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn't trust with a Glo-Stick Day!!!

   Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I'll never get to touch.

   just once i'd like to see a Price Is Right contestant who is confident enough to make their own decisions

   What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house??

   Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin....and muffins are healthy. Your welcome.

   Nothing like a dysfunctional family trying to function for the Holidays.

   Integrity is knowing that just because you can do something, it doesn't always mean that you should...

   Well, I guess these tequila shots aren't going to regret themselves

   My face hurts from making that look of concern as I pretend to listen.