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Until you called me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly. 
Just got the best massage with happy ending at the new TSA Spa at JFK Airport.
I'm looking foreword to being the drunken version of wikiLeaks at our office holiday party this year!
this salad would really benefit from more bacon and less of this green stuff.
They say you can lure more flies with honey than vinegar.... I guess, "a dead turtle" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Wishes I came from a country where blacking out while listening to you, was an honor.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Nothing in life is free.... Someone always pays!
Supports Bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Life isn't a garden...so stop being a hoe!
Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you're finished
On the road to success, and whoever in my way.............ROADKILL.......
boycotting mornings
going to jam out with her clam out
loves automatic doors. they make him feel like a jedi
...in a show of mourning MJ's death, Pro and amateur golfers alike are wearing one glove.
"Impotence" natures way of saying "No Hard Feelings"
wants to know if pregnant women in their ninth month are afraid to sneeze.
For the record, if my mother ever tells you she uses Oxycontin to remove stains, it's not true.
a picture speaks a thousand words.. but with photoshop, it tells a thousand lies.. 