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Really disappointed that Disney on Ice has nothing to do with liquor. Anyone want some stupid show tickets? 
Bought jelly, peanut butter and bread. Made a PBJ sandwich. I love it when a plans comes together.
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?"
You know you've made wonderful choices in life when you're proud of yourself for not being drunk before lunch.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
thinks.... if he where have heard, even 10 years ago..."I google it and then facebook you the answer since I don't do tweets"... I would haved asked you what kind of drugs you were on...
I would rather soak my berry's in maple syrup and sit on an ant hill than diddle Arnold Swartzenegger's baby momma!
You don't just turn your swag on, you either got it or you don't.
that awkward moment when you hold the door for someone and you're left standing there for an eternity because they move at a turtle's pace.
When I get real, real bored I like to go downtown and get a good parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
Thursday 31st March is National Cleavage Day, a day to work it, love it & celebrate it.!! (@)Y(@)
allergic to liars
If you are a new waiter at a Chinese restaurant does that make you the Lo Mein on the totem pole?
I have nothing against black folk. One of my best friends thinks he is black.
Girls at parties are like parking spaces, if you're late all the good ones are gone, So when nobody's looking you stick it in the disabled one....
Nice try, fat girls ordering a salad on the first date. Nice try.
More people chose to be religious more from their fear of hell than their love of their faith.
twighlight did to vampires what brokeback mountain did to cowboys
No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.
S.H.I.T.: So Happy It's Thursday. 