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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Coffee so strong, that for like 4 minutes you have hope.
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05-29-2022 00:41
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I’m sorry, the internet has ruined me. Whenever you say “shingles,” all I see in my head is Sean Connery scrolling through a dating app.
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05-29-2022 00:43
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The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject.
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06-03-2022 02:54
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If your voice held no power, they wouldn’t try to silence you.
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06-14-2022 02:53
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Dating is a great way remind yourself that dying alone isn’t that bad.
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06-15-2022 01:33
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When they can no longer control you, they will try to control what others think of you.
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06-24-2022 23:12
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Got a new book, “How to make gasoline at home.”
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04-01-2022 02:18
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When she’s telling you all about her problems. Sounds like you need some D.
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05-08-2022 20:39
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Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
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05-24-2022 05:05
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If you’re afraid to live your life, then you have already died.
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05-29-2022 00:41
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Want to get back on your feet? Miss two car payments.
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06-03-2022 02:53
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When she kisses you goodnight, but only on the forehead. “You forgot the pickle.”
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06-13-2022 02:47
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When you’re on your 8th “dam, that’s crazy,” and they’re still telling you their story.
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06-14-2022 02:58
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When you click “accept cookies,” but then you don’t get any cookies.
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06-14-2022 02:59
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There is no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize sharing a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.
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07-01-2022 01:45
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Eating spaghetti and my white shirt is like, “let me taste it.”
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04-28-2022 01:35
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Saw a store sign that read, “We treat you like family.” Well, NOT going in there.
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05-07-2022 22:08
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The closer the collapse of an empire, the crazier it’s laws.
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05-13-2022 03:01
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Wish I was a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.
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05-15-2022 02:43
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With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.
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05-24-2022 05:06
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