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A guy with a steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says "heyt. There's a steering wheel sticking out the front of your pants." The guy says " yeah, and it's driving me nuts". 
Forget a "dislike" button , id rather have a "This makes me want to punch you in the freakin throat" button
has been having 3-somes with hot twins. My friends ask how I tell them apart. Its easy... Lisa is the one with long blond hair and Luke is the one with the six pack and hairy legs
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status', do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.
created an idiot proof facebook status, click >HERE< to see it
My chinese friend died last week. So Yung
"Ooh, the game was tonight?"- God
With gold prices so high, and considering how much Goldschläger that I drink, I'm taking my turds down to cash4gold.
Dear Scissors, I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Today may be Valentines day, but men will get their revenge in exactly one month....March 14th, look it up.
It's sad when people on welfare make more money than I do
Don't judge my Playboy subscription, You "Fifty Shades of Grey" reading Harlots!
Obama, He's over in Kenya lecturing them on Gay rights, but three days ago ISIS threw two men from a roof and then stoned them to death for being gay and he never said a word
When your drunk, leftovers aren't so bad....... this may or may not be about food.
Women go for bad boys then wonder why they get hurt, afterwards the good guys are forced to repair a broken heart they didn't even cause
I love seeing all these tolerant people bashing religion!
Check One : [] single [] taken [X] climbin in yo window, snatchin yo people up.
I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"
Has anyone thought about the fact that Mr.KRABS lives in BIKINI BOTTOM?
moving the furniture out of the room because the dog and I are going to breakdance battle...oh it is ON!!!! 