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   messageicon Today is one of those days where I wish I could restore myself to the factory settings.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 17:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering how long it took the first humans to realize the first person to die was dead? " Hey man wake up already you are starting to smell."
←Rate | 03-17-2011 18:31 by CALZ Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 23:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
←Rate | 05-20-2012 17:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon How Many Blondes Does It Take To Change A Diaper......................Ask Hugh Hefner
←Rate | 12-05-2011 20:36 by Banjaxed Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
←Rate | 06-14-2012 17:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Out of all the gruesome noises coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most troubling.
←Rate | 07-04-2012 16:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 19:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 23:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CNN Breaking news: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released......
←Rate | 10-01-2013 10:25 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now, show me on the doll where the Government touched you...
←Rate | 10-02-2013 22:20 by Snoogins Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just finished charging my iPhone. Lets see how long the battery la
←Rate | 10-19-2013 09:45 by buyah Comments (0)  


   messageicon For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
←Rate | 12-23-2014 13:47 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when a selfie was some lotion and a box of Kleenex.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burned them.
←Rate | 08-30-2012 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go home North Korea, you're drunk!
←Rate | 03-30-2013 17:43 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
←Rate | 10-23-2012 11:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet.
←Rate | 03-29-2010 09:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..hates getting junk mail on how to enlarge my penis,especially since i'm a girl. But I have,however, forwarded them to my boss. Maybe that will cure the little pr*ck.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 12:17 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go.
←Rate | 09-29-2010 18:48 by @truebeachbabe Comments (0)  



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