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My boss just appointed me as his sex adviser. He said " When I want your fu*king advice, I'll ask for it." 
Robert Kraft's prostitution arrest. Voluntary exchange of sex and compensation between consenting adults. Kinda like marriage.
Dear R.Kelly you have no idea how much trouble Urine
I remember when I used to get nostalgic. Those were the days...
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday.
Usually either Nestle or Captain.
[first day as a juror] *applying lipstick* which way is the hung jury
me *opening a box of Mac and Cheese* wife [sitting in the hot tub] Noooooooo
I call bulls*** on killing someone with kindness... that "kindness" crap won't even maim someone.
just because you're on vacation doesn't give you the right to take a picture of every cocktail or check in at every bar. That falls in the category of, "I could care less"
a gift to AMERICA .....President's BIRTH certificate and Bin Laden's DEATH certificate!!
hey did you guys hear? The Apprentice was interrupted by some special news report....
So with all that news last week about the iPhone 4 tracking all kinds of stuff, makes me wonder....did Bin Laden have an iPhone 4?
Somewhere, In An Afterlife, Sir Henry Cooper Is Beating Seven Shades Out Of Osama Bin Laden :)
I still say I heard someone talking from under that sheet when we tossed the body overboard, but whatever. Can't go back in time.
was preparing for Sunday, but I just realized that post-rapture looting makes no sense because so many of us will still be here. Particularly people in public office and law enforcement.... : (
Dear Punxsutawney Phil, If you are not frozen, please come out of your little home tomorrow morning with your eyes closed(so you don't see your shadow) and flip everyone off. That should sum up this winter.
waiting for wolf blitzer to invite the situation to the situation room ....
The uneasy moment when you can't understand someone even though they repeated themselves 5 times.
FACEBOOK - helping people get sh*t off their chest since 2007
I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it . 