Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon "What's the new baby's name?" "We don't know..we can't understand a word he says!"
←Rate | 09-23-2018 07:24 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls! The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"
←Rate | 09-23-2018 06:58 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone NOT on welfare lend me their social insurance number so I can get a little extra income, I'll go splits with ya
←Rate | 09-22-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon HEY, I wrote the manual on ADD…. Well, it's not actually a manual. It's only 3 sentences…. The rest is a drawing of a giant space robot eating a skyscraper made of muffins.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 21:56 by Scstarman Comments (1)  

   messageicon I bought a bottle of Himalayan salt today. It's supposed to be two hundred and fifty million years old. I just noticed the expiration date is July, 2019. Good thing they dug it up when they did.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 21:53 by Scstarman Comments (3)  

   messageicon Sometimes I think sharks eat people just so they can be on tv.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 21:51 by Scstarman Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, if you are crediting a woman for something, and treating them equally, you might be a idiot 1ibera1.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 20:41 by Con Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do squirrels ever die from old age or are they all murdered?
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is an ever expanding list of things that you used to enjoy.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady, are you a Kardashian because I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 17:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!
←Rate | 09-22-2018 13:14 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when Fall season has shown up. Crappy door wreaths everywhere.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 10:37 by Rick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Taught my grandmother that "Jabroni" means "fine young man" and it's made our time out in public way more interesting.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hear reincarnation is making a come back.
←Rate | 09-22-2018 02:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to a wedding last night and they played “The Twist” so I twisted, next they played “Jump around “ so I jumped around. Next they played “Come on Eileen “ I think you know where this is going.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 23:06 by Meh! Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we meet in public and you don't look like your pictures ,you owe me booze until you do.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 21:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 19:15 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I'm ever on life support, unplug me..... then plug me back in. See if that works.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 11:17 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!
←Rate | 09-21-2018 05:58 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon My last real fight was with a pizza box that wouldn't close.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 02:05 Comments (0)  

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