Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Sex with me was once described as, "Not entirely unpleasant if you're a little drunk and have a pretty good imagination."
←Rate | 12-15-2019 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite thing is a woman who sticks our her b00bs in every timeline pic, then goes nuts when a guy messages her.
←Rate | 12-15-2019 06:02 by BobBogin Comments (0)  

   messageicon Is it to early to break my new year's resolution or should I wait until after Christmas?
←Rate | 12-14-2019 11:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stay tuned, folks... it's getting close to my, "It's a New Year, It's A New Me" delusional time again.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember children, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:08 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whelp I've finely reached the forth stage in life when at first as a kid I believed in Santa, then I didn't believe in Santa, then I dressed up like Santa, and now I am Santa.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not.
←Rate | 12-13-2019 15:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My sex tape is called “Here I Go Again On My Own”.
←Rate | 12-13-2019 11:58 by kisstopher73 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We went to buy a Christmas tree last night. It's supposed to be fun, right? At the end of the night I was so crazy I put the tree in the backseat of the car and strapped my kid to the roof.
←Rate | 12-13-2019 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FedEx said that it shipped 16 million packages today on its busiest day of the year. That’s right, they handled 16 million packages. Or as the TSA calls that, “kind of a slow day.”
←Rate | 12-13-2019 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 🎵I'm dreaming of a White Castle Just like the ones that we all know Where the square buns glisten and I am wishin' That there's no chunks I'll have to blow 🎵
←Rate | 12-13-2019 05:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon it’s so annoying, guys want you to have crazy sex, but they don’t want you to be crazy
←Rate | 12-13-2019 05:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m dreaming of a White Christmas and yes I mean cocaine
←Rate | 12-13-2019 00:40 by kisstopher73 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I fell asleep reading my hard copy of "A Christmas Carol". The book slid off my lap and landed square on my big toe! Man, that hurt like the dickens.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 16:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 15:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*
←Rate | 12-12-2019 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words "Me too"?
←Rate | 12-12-2019 15:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't been the same since my mom gave birth to me.
←Rate | 12-12-2019 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see the President is mocking Greta Thunberg to the delight of his base. A quote from 8 days ago, from his slut wife: “you should be ashamed of your very angry and obviously biased public pandering, and using a child to do it”
←Rate | 12-12-2019 12:19 Comments (3)  

   messageicon I'm still watching the Never Ending Story
←Rate | 12-12-2019 12:08 Comments (0)  

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