Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon My wife is so fat I took a picture of her two hours ago and it's still developing.
←Rate | 11-19-2017 03:21 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she's going to get me something
←Rate | 11-18-2017 23:31 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  

   messageicon messageicon Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
←Rate | 11-18-2017 23:30 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed.... until I found out she was faking
←Rate | 11-18-2017 23:27 by Fr8Train Comments (0)  

   messageicon Finally got to watch "Battleship" on Netflix. It's ok, but not as good as the book.
←Rate | 11-18-2017 20:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't believe in God? You're not paying attention. "Be still and see that I am God"
←Rate | 11-18-2017 05:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you use the term “butt hurt” a lot, no need for the rainbow sticker. We already know.
←Rate | 11-18-2017 05:19 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Where were these 22 year old female teachers back when I was in high school?
←Rate | 11-17-2017 20:37 by 300 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A report says Fred Flintstone forced a 16-year-old girl into having sex with him and Barney Rubble......
←Rate | 11-17-2017 14:09 Comments (1)  

   messageicon We can't keep on saying "We told you so", to people because if you make them feel dumb, they just doubles down and tries to prove themselves that it wasn't dumb.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 11:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't really need a wife as much as I just need someone to shave my back...
←Rate | 11-17-2017 11:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I liked Meatloaf before he got all soft on us and changed his name to Adele.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to another episode of Am I Dying or Just Really Tired?
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Too bad all those tree huggers aren't still in South Dakota. They could help clean up that giant oil spill.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And I care about Charles Manson going to the hospital because?
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:13 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The Sexual Revolution may not be dead, but its vitals are faint and weakening
←Rate | 11-17-2017 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing morally bankrupt about homosexuality, Obama said it was okay.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 04:48 Comments (0)  

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